Christmas Cheer...(Part 2)

OK, so the Christmas cheer is rapidly running out, but I think I've done really well to last this long.

I think one problem this year is I'm trying to drink less than normal. I've been drinking shitloads over the past few months. OK, I've been drinking shitloads for years now, but just by way of a breather, for the last couple of weeks, I've been trying to dot a few non drinking days in between the drunken haze days. I think perhaps this is misguided. Christmas is no time for sobriety. I'm not sure that there is a good time for sobriety... anyway ... Christmas Progress.

1
I posted a total of 16 Christmas cards. Not including any that I gave by hand to close friends. Yep, pretty good going hey? I'm totally propping up the Royal Mail.

2
My elf capers continued. As part of our office Christmas lunch, Melly (elf costume designer) persuaded me to put the costume back on and give out our Secret Santa presents out. I'm not entirely sure how I got talked into doing this and it was considerably more embarrassing than dressing up in the context of a Children's fayre.

Well we learn something new every day. And so from one wise (wo)man to another... If you're at work dressed as an elf and one of your colleague suggests you take the Director a mince pie, just say "No, don't be so bloody stupid". Or take that mince pie to the Director, confuse the fuck out of him and experience the most awkward fifteen seconds of both your careers.

3
In the corner shop on Sunday, Becki and I found an old man who was having terrible difficulty breathing and was clearly in a pretty bad way. Becki sprang to work, doing all her best bandage club moves on him. She got him comfortable on a chair (provided by the usually grumpy shop owner) and he (Alf, the old boy) said he wasn't going to be able to walk home, so we called him a cab. We waited for the cab with him and went with him to see he got safely back through the snow.

When he got in his house, Alf sat on his sofa and in no time was gasping merrily on a big oxygen cannister, while we got busy robbing him blind. No, we didn't really rob him. We just politely declined a cup of tea, saw that he was ok and made our way back to the shop where Becki had left her Coca Cola by mistake. Alf's house was a bit sad. There was no carpet, no wallpaper or paint and a big full ashtray next to his oxygen can. Look on the brightside though. He had a bottle of cheap whiskey and a really nice telly. We both went home with a warm glow from helping an elderly neighbour in need during the festive season.

4
I've spent heaps of money in the last few days on 'last minute gifts', which actually seemed to be pretty much everything I needed to get. Far from a warm glow, I've got a cold dread about having to wrap the whole bastard lot up!

This next story is a bit boring, not related to Christmas, but happened yesterday.

I was in a chain pub that shall remain nameless last night and ordered a sweet potato curry. The waiter man came over and told me that they had no sweet potato curry. It might have been sweet potato. I can't quite remember. It was some veggie curry. They didn't have it, so I ordered a "Gourmet Veggie Burger" instead.

When my burger arrived, it had the most sad and miserable, brown looking side order of chips I'd ever seen. The waiter man put the food down and disappeared, but returned quickly to the table with 51p, (the difference in price between the two meals) and I asked him - "Why don't my chips look like the chips in the picture?" I was chuckling as I asked him, because they didn't look anything like the picture or anything like chips. The waiter looked at my chips and thought about it for a second - I awaited some smart response -This is what he said, "Erm, because yours are overcooked and burnt."

At least I wasn't imagining it. He got me new chips.

We only went in the chain pub to escape the snow. We probably won't go again for a while.

Right everyone has left work now, so I'm going to leave too.

In case I don't write before, have a Merry Christmas. I'm off out to get drunk. It is the only true way to enjoy the Festive Season. I should be sober again some time in the New Year. xx

Christmas Cheer...

Unlike previous years, when I've been struck down with a huge dose of the bah-humbugs, this year, I am embracing the festive season with abundance. Here's how...

1) I put up my tree. It is the same shabby little artificial tree I have decorated for seven or more years. It is only a 3-foot B&Q number, but I'm sure you'll agree that even plonked on a coffee table and over loaded with twinkly lights, tinsel, balls and various cuddly ornaments it does the job.

2) I sent four Christmas Cards. I'll send more, but I was aiming for the last posting day to Canada with the first four.

3) I 'did my bit' volunteering at St Luke's Day Centre on Saturday. I was the Christmas Elf at the Santa's Grotto. The Grotto was incredibly popular and Santa ran out of gifts with half an hour still to go. So lots of the children only got a bag of sweets instead of a proper gift. They didn't have to pay £2 though and since I'd seen the quality of Santa's gifts, I'd say they got the better deal. Anyway, here is the picture as promised ... (It is just as well I am already in the habit of leaving my dignity at home on the weekends.)

A colleague/friend of mine Melly made the costume. I think it is marvellous. She could have made the hat a bit taller though. Also, it looks like I'm poking Santa in the face with my elf ear.

Poor Santa.

The Results Are In

We had an overwhelming response to the straw poll. Hmmm, I say overwhelming, but well - two people replied and that is enough for me (thanks Su and Ade)... And the decision was - the blog lives to see another day. I’ll try and keep it updated at least once a week. We’ll just see how things go though shall we…

It has been ages since I’ve really written anything and not keeping up with this has left my creativity a bit rusty and cobwebby and not really much use to anyone … so it may be a slow start, but stick with it and hopefully we’ll get back into the crazy anecdotes and hilarious observations in no time. Did those ever happen before? Who cares, let’s look forward to them in the future…

I guess I should fill in a few of the gaps. September to November in one quick update … well maybe not too quick - this is me... Always striving for brevity... Always rambling on unnecessarily …

So - What’s been going on?

FLAT

I’m all moved in and happily settled with Sprogs now. We are like a proper old lez couple and have even received our first joint Christmas card. (thanks Norm) We had a house warming party. We’ve got new sofas and lovely shelves. I mean who could ask for more. I think Becki would ask that cats stop leaving anonymous gifts on her bed (sick and muddy paw prints - that kind of thing), but I can’t see what her problem is. There is no pleasing some people.

ROMANCE

Fate is a funny bitch at times… A week after I moved in to the new flat, ready to begin my new start with Sprogs, living the happy go lucky bachelorette dream, I met a very decent chap called Pete at a friend’s after work drinks. We hit it off and we started seeing each other. Oh yeah - Just like that!

And guess what. I pulled the relationship to pieces, found fault at every opportunity and within three months, I’d reached the end of my tether and called it quits... Ahem, I did have my reasons, but least said, soonest mended…Ha ha ha, I’m glad I’m not following some hideously predictable pattern of meeting people, making attachments then losing my bottle a few months down the line. That would be awful!

So… I’m single once again and am trying to get back into my writing and gigs and knitting. It’s much less complicated for me this way. Better for all concerned really. Yep, single is great!

*secretly weeping at my complete ineptitude where relationships are concerned.*

*sniffles and moves on – who cares anyway*

JOB

Oh, you know how fed up I was with my job? Well - First round of Tory Cu ts…They only deleted my post. Not exactly the way I’d hoped to end my six years in local government performance. I was a mix between shit-scared and feeling as if I’d had a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

While colleagues (some who have barely spoken to me before) were offering their sympathies, I was secretly looking forward to getting myself one of those blankies with a hood and sleeves and snuggling down to pass the cold winter months watching Jeremy Kyle and Diagnosis Murder.

Alas, it is not to be. For once, I am a victim of my own success. Colleagues encouraged me to apply for two fixed term Contracts Officer posts that were being advertised. I did so and before the four-week consultation period of our restructure (including my post deletion) was even complete, I’d landed myself a new job. I start in the New Year… not just a coincidence then that I’m now blogging my way through my notice period on the old job…

COMEDY

I’ve barely managed to maintain a gig rate of one per week, just about clinging on to that. I had some really nice gigs back in October and early November, but it has been a bit sketchy the last few weeks. My beef, not the fault of the gigs... onwards and upwards hey?

ROUND UP

Gosh, my “just filling in the gaps a bit exercise” has made me realise it has been quite a hectic few months really. I don’t feel so bad for abandoning the blog now.

I thought I had nothing to say and then all that came spilling out… Wowee Zowee.

This Saturday I’ve volunteered to be an Elf at a Christmas Fayre taking place at one of Islington’s Day Centres. So… at least there should be some cheeky photos of that for next week’s update. As I said in my facebook status earlier today – Elves do drink Guinness and swear don’t they? Ho ho ho.