Crime Spree

Slowly but surely, the excitement of meeting Perry Fenwick on Wednesday did wear off. (Apologies for the epic blog about the meeting. What can I say? I'm sad and I was excited, it might be wrong, but I've been an off and on EastEnders viewer for as long as I can remember. I'm no maniac fan, but it was still exciting!!) Anyway, after the rush of mingling with the stars had worn off a little, on Thursday I was off to the Comedy School to do my five minute set and then a Q&A for the current students there. One of the students was Kate Garraway of GMTV fame. Two TV personalities in one week!? Oh yes, I've surely hit the big time!

She seemed nice enough, she asked me that old favourite 'how is it different being a woman doing comedy?' ... "Err, I only know how it is to be a woman doing comedy, never having been a man, but it seems ok so far. There are less girls on the open mic circuit, but still plenty of us ... I've heard there is a bottle neck when you get onto paid comedy bills, but you just got to do what you got to do."

Everything else at The Comedy School went nicely too including my set, which was sweet and tight. Keith said it was very good. I got to meet Manos The Greek and after the show I stayed for a quick chat with Keith, Cee, Mark and Debs.

When I left the comedy school, just after 10 pm, the first thing I noticed was that my car had no rear number plate. I checked the front - no front number plate either. I was certain (well hopeful), I'd have noticed this plate absence before I began my journey that evening, or at least when I'd glanced back at the car to see how badly I'd parked, and assumed it must have happened within the time I'd been at the Comedy School. I set off on my journey home feeling quite illegal.

It took about five minutes of the journey, before a police car started to tail me and I drove at my all time most careful, knowing that getting pulled over was inevitable, but hoping not to make matters any worse for myself by going through red lights or stopping at green lights as I sometimes do. The policeman waited until we got to a wider Camden Road, then sure as eggs is eggs, he began flashing his blue lights.

I pulled in, turned my engine off, wound down my window and did my best to look innocent. As he approached my car, I said 'I've been waiting for you to pull me over.' He said 'I couldn't do it on the narrow part of the road, I didn't want to cause an obstruction.' I said 'I've only just noticed that they've been stolen and I'm going to report it as soon as I get home.' That was pretty much that, he didn't question me any further on the matter and he said he just wanted to make sure I was aware of it or words to that effect and wished me well.

'What not even a frisk?' I wanted to scream. No, no frisk. He clearly didn't fancy that and didn't want to be troubled with the paperwork of it all, by taking more details...

I duly reported the theft when I got home. I rang a Camden police number, believing that to be where the crime had taken place. They take very basic details and promise a call back within 72 hours.

I was called up yesterday by a nice PC Weeks to get more details and have my crime number issued. During that conversation, I was made aware of the fact that a car like mine, bearing my registration number had been reported, on Wednesday 25th November, driving away from a petrol station in Waltham Forest without paying for fuel. Shock on. I had in fact dozily got into my car on Thursday and driven to Camden oblivious to the missing plates. PC Weeks understood. He said it took him three days to notice his were missing once. This is an officer of the law! Keeping us safe and being observant etc... Well that made me feel a bit better. About my doziness rather than about PC Weeks and his policing skills.

So - If Waltham Forest police do contact me to discuss the petrol theft, imagine what a lunatic I will sound when asked where I was on Wednesday. 'It can't have been me Gov, I was down the boozer with Billy Mitchell, you can ask him yourself.' Yes, that will definitely go down well. Besides which, those Mitchells have been involved in all sorts of dodgy deals over the years. I'm sure they are not the most reliable of characters to mention in one's alibi.

So my number plates are out and about enjoying a crime spree, while I'm at home blogging and knitting. Maybe I'll take my own unmarked car out for a joy ride. Maybe not, the washing up needs doing and I need to go swimming later.

Take care peeps and next time you take your vehicle out for a drive, have a glance to see if you've still got your number plates or not. You never know...

Glee 17: Opening Night and Meeting a Mitchell

A new night for new acts set up in The Stow? This was not to be missed!!

Or maybe it was going to be missed. I got out of work later than planned and headed to the bus stop. bla bla... bus issues... bla bla, late late. Oh poop...(See I'm trying not to go over board on the detail.) Anyway, I was cutting it fine to get to the pub in time to sign up for the night and Becki asked me if it was still worth going. Yeah, yeah... I'll be there by 7.15... I'll have a Guinness please :)

When we got to the pub, we got drinks and went to have a look at the upstairs room where the comedy was happening. The room seemed like a good layout for the comedy purposes, but there were only eight or nine people in it and the organiser pointed out they were ALL acts. It looked like Sprog might be the only audience. She is familiar with that arrangement, but as it turned out later on we needn't have worried, plenty more peoples showed up. It was, when the time came - a really nice crowd.

In the meantime, we went back downstairs to wait there for the show to start, rather than stay and attempt to mingle with all the nervous distracted comic types. Back downstairs, Billy Mitchell was in the pub. I'm like 'oh look Billy Mitchell is in the pub.' Well actually, I was giddy with excitement. Updated my Twitter and the lot. We found a table, where I positioned myself with my back firmly to Billy, because I can't be trusted not to stare and we both busily tweeted/texted loved ones about Billy's presence.

Linda arrived. (Linda is one of Sproggle's work buddies) She wasn't staying, she was a bit p!ssed already and heading home for cheese on toast. Oh ok, maybe she would just stay for a little lemonade. Woohoo. This night was working out quite nicely.

As the start of the show neared, Billy and his friends got up and headed upstairs. No Effing Way! Billy Mitchell was coming to see me do comedy! hee hee. I'll be best mates with Babs Windsor before I know it. We can share grumbles about the plight of the larger chested lady. Was I getting ahead of myself?

If I'm honest, this comedy show needs a bit of work. It is so cool to have this happening on my doorstep. The Stow can get a bit forgotten as far as comedy opportunities go. They had a good crowd in and it is a great room for comedy, the organisers were very friendly and welcoming. They just need to polish up on the format a bit and possibly get a few more established new acts along as well as the first timers who had volunteered. Although more power to first timers' elbows...

Thing is, some of the acts didn't seem to realise that the idea of new acts night was to try out your OWN material. I think a bit of guidance in that department may help, because not everyone knows that kind of comedy etiquette. For some it was really was their first ever gig and with all the will in the world, that does show, but all comedy nights need to start somewhere and so do all comedians.

I was lucky enough to ease myself into comedy from the safety and security of a comedy school setting. If you haven't had that back up, I guess there is a temptation to get on and do the jokes you've seen work for your favourite comics. I guess not many of them will be reading this, but I've no doubt someone will put them straight in time. Let's hope it isn't Harry Hill/*insert other famous comic here*'s lawyer that lets them know

So - I'm not just saying this, I'm saying it because other people said it. I was the best act in the first half. As it turned out, I was also the best act of the night, (people said that too) but by the interval, we only had the first half to judge by. It was and it wasn't a personal triumph. My material was hazy in my mind tank, not having had a read through before, but I got laughs even through the bits that were muddled. There was quite a bit of ad-libbing, which thank heavens did got laughs as well. I lost my voice a few times and had to have a quick coughage, but over all it went nicely and even Sproggles said it was one of my best times.

I should be able to remember the blinking set though and being the best act on a night where some of the other acts don't even understand the concept of open mic comedy is somewhat of a hollow victory. Is a victory hollow or shallow? Either way, it was still a victory. Beggars mustn't be choosers. Or something.

So, back to the interval and we go downstairs again. We are walking through the bar and Billy Mitchell makes eye contact and Billy Mitchell wants to talk to me and he does and he and his friends are all full of compliments and it was like MEGA ACE!! Turns out his name is Perry, because there was that weird bit where we all introduced ourselves and he obviously knew we knew his other name, but he was very nice about saying - I'm Perry... That cleared things up no end and saved embarrassments. I'm ashamed to say, I've forgotten the names of the other friends we were introduced to. One of his friends was a sign language interpreter though. Always handy to know one of those!!

Linda had already headed home for the cheese on toast, so she missed our star struck meeting!

We went up to watch the second half of the show during which Becki got to punch a fat man in the guts. (He was asking for it - no really - he was - it was part of his act.)

The comedy ended just after ten, because the promoter was allowing for the fact that Walthamstow isn't the easiest place to get in and out of, but actually when the comedy ended, most people headed back down to the bar for more delicious booze.

Becki and I weren't sure where to seat ourselves in order not to appear too stalky toward Perry and after a bit of to-ing and fro-ing, we ended up about a table or two away from him and were pretty much minding our own business, as he got hassled by quite a few different folks wanting to chat, get autographs and photos. We tried to cool it out and were determined not to make more obvious than required our wonderment at him being there... I totally didn't even ask if he could pass on my number to the hot new doctor on the Square. I didn't even ask that!

Then somehow on the way back from the loo or some old nonsense, I got caught up in a conversation with Perry and his pals, while they were chatting with the organisers of the evening and before we knew it, Sproggles and I had been invited to sit with Perry and his mates.

This was just MEGA MEGA ACE! I'm not sure they even asked the organiser to take a seat, just Sprogs and I. We mostly chatted about the night and how it was a great idea and it was nice to have that kind of event in Walthamstow and then had a bit of a rant and discussed how things could have been improved. I got more compliments, which I took with my usual charm - "Err, yeah, Ha - I'm not very good at compliments, but thank you..." *hides behind hands*. And there we were - Becki and I drinking and gossiping with an actor off the tele'.

I can just see me not too long from now - "So Babs, these big boobs - not all fun fun fun is it?" NO? Still too soon? Oh, whatever. A girl can dream.

Well they were lovely people and good company, so all in all, it was great to meet them.

After a while it was home time and Perry and his buddies bimbled off and Becki and I turned down the offer of an after show drink up around the organiser's house. Although, there was a general consensus that we'd be back for more Glee 17 action on 20th January next year!

We had places to go and people to see, don't you know. OK, so actually, Becki and I came back to the flat and had Dominos again. Why oh why? we just can't stay away from that place! We have WFC now. What are we doing with those Dominos nerds? I'm sorry WFC. We'll be back soon :)

Brace Yourself: I’m Still Writing About Knitting.

Oh and braces – get it – brace yourself. I really must stop explaining my punlicious post titles…

Anyway… BRACES

Next week on Wednesday 2nd December 2009, I have my next appointment at the orthodontist and I am having my fixed braces removed. This will be just ten days short of two years after the date they were fitted. The original report quoted the treatment would take two years and in my ever optimistic naivety, I thought that was just to manage expectations and it would never take that long.

The orthodontist has pretty much admitted defeat on a number of things he was trying to fix. My bite is still slightly out of line and I still have two quite hefty gaps in my back teeth where adult teeth are missing and the jawbone proved too insubstantial to drag the very back teeth into the gaps.

This dental defeat is a bit of a disappointing end to two years work. BUT, the reason I got the braces was to correct some very peculiar and noticeable issues with my canine teeth that are now correct, so I need to remember that. Good has come of the exercise. It seems that to correct the bite and the other gaps could involve extractions/crowns and a lot more corrective work that I’m not happy about getting involved with. I’ve served my time as far as I can tell and got most of what I wanted out of it all... So, decision is made and as of next Wednesday – my braces will be gone!

Yesterday, as the first stage in preparation for this austere occasion, I went to the orthodontist to get bonded retainers fitted. I gather these can take various forms, but mine are in the form of two tiny gold chains glued to the back of twelve of my teeth (one tiny gold chain glued to the back of my six upper front teeth and one tiny gold chain glued to the back of the six lower front teeth).

It is designed to stop the teeth shifting into their old positions. I don’t understand how and it feels horrible. The chains, as I say, are tiny, but the glue feels very clumpy and odd. I must be used to having my mouth treated like a junkyard, because as horrid as it feels, I am getting used to it after less than a day. Just as well - this latest fixture is supposed to be permanent...Aaargh, the horror. All those times I got down in the dumps and whined that my orthodontic torture seemed like it would never end. Ha, it seems as if I was right and I do in fact have a lasting double gold chain souvenir… Thank You Mr Ash, Orthodontic Consultant, Whipp’s Cross Hospital.

So it is 8 days to brace-off. I will undoubtedly be using that as a fine excuse to get rat arsed. I’m wondering if I should have asked the orthodontist to chain the lot up, just leaving a little gap big enough for a straw for booze.

The following Wednesday, I pick up the gum shield retainers that I'll have to sleep in for the next year or so... (Yes, I get those too.) Not looking forward to that either, but hey ho.

The removal of my braces does leave a rather tragic gap in my comedy set. Perhaps it will be some sort of catalyst to me spending some time coming up with new material. Perhaps not. Watch this space.

KNITTING: See Sproglet’s Blog for very funny write up of our trip to the wool shop and how I learnt to cast on using youtube videos. Yes, I’ve started work on a scarf for her now and after only two and a bit days, it is already around 20 inches long. I am knitting on gas.

It has not escaped my notice that despite a few whisperings from the bo-ho chic circles saying that knitting was back as a cool hobby to have a few years ago, (around the time I started my other scarf…Hmmm) – yeah, even if one or two people did say it was meant to be cool in 2007, I am the only person doing it on the 56 bus in 2009 and I probably do look like a bit of a twat.

Rome was not built in a day. I know - I’ve been there! If I have to knit on the bus to get my Sproggles neck all warm and snuggly this side of Crimbo, then knit on the bus, I will. I'm sure I don't look that hot when I use bus journey time to snooze and drool all over the window, so knitting could be an improvement if anything.

Lovely. I need to go. Drinking in Stamford Hill again tonight... Will this "FUN" never end? I hope not!

My Scarf

I know I posted about the scarf already.

But I just have to say, I really love my scarf. Lots of different people have shown an interest in it. It is cosy and warm and it has made me feel refreshed about lots of different things.

It is something tangible that I made and I get to say "Look I did this."

Admittedly, the three year production timescale is a little bit of a shocker and I'm fairly sure there are much more time and cost effective ways of coming by scarves: at the shops for one! That doesn't seem to matter - seeing as for a while there, I thought it would never get finished and when I eventually put the hours in and now I have a smashing new scarf... Well to me it represents possibility!

Ha yeah Scarves = Possibility. Put that maths in your pipe and smoke it.

Becki says I need to be a little bit careful of getting addicted to knitting. She says she went there once and it gets to be a dark and lonely place after a while. She even says it can age you.

That was after she'd made me promise to knit her one. So we are off to the wool shop tomorrow.

Angels

I was in Marks and Spencer this morning.

The lady serving at the tills there saw me hovering with my basket and said quite loudly to me...

"Over here Angel"

She proceeded to call me Angel at least once more, maybe even twice during our brief exchange and all in all I was quite flattered by that.

I came back to the office and told my mate Chris this, he said 'patronising... patronising and common.' Chris has very high customer service standards!

The thing is and I told Chris this too... As I had walked away from the lady's till, I wondered if Angel was an appropriate way to address a customer and if she called everyone that. Either way, it made me feel nice and that was the important thing I supposed. Just as I was mulling all this over, the same checkout lady called across to another customer who was waiting.

"Over here Madam!"

I glanced across to the customer who had been addressed as Madam and she was probably only ten or fifteen years older than me.

Well, I'd rather be an Angel than a Madam any day and with that much, Chris was inclined to agree.

Back

I'm back.

I'm grumpy as hell about it. I will get over myself in due course... I just never adjust well to those first few days of normality...

Rome was great. I'll put some pics up soon, when I get around to getting them on to my poota.

Anyway, what a great city and also it was just lovely to hang out with Mum, Dad, Anutie Marion and Uncle Keithy.

OK, better go... Fings to do :)

My New Scarf and other bits about the week.

So I'm off tomorrow on my Italian mini break with my Mum and Dad. I'll be back on Wednesday night.

All it has been a pretty good week.

Gigs 59 and 60 were good. Well Party Piece (59) wasn't all that. My own fault: I jibber jabbered, which sometimes works. On Tuesday it didn't though. I just felt a bit guilty for being rubbish and copping out early. Having said that, there were not many audience there, so no point in getting too caught up in the guilt of it all.

Wednesday's Headway gig (60) at The Water Poets was amazing. Really lovely warm crowd. I got a lovely reception, good feedback after and managed to remember my words. I threw in a few happy ad libs that got laughs too. Some chick in the front (I think she was another comic actually from "The Silky Pair") coughed over my 'you can even give blowjobs' line, so I was worried the point was muffled, but I teased her about it and wondered what she was coughing on and that made it all funny again before the disclaimer ending...

After the gig I went drinking with the other comics including Duncan Oakley and Silky (no relation to The Silky Pair) Duncan and Silky have been going years and I felt all cheerful with myself for being out with the "big guns" (paid acts) and it was plain lovely as everyone had such a smashing time at the gig and after. We stayed out drinking until gone 2 in the morning.

Thursday was my last day at work until next Thursday. Ace!!

Friday was family fun day with lovely niecey in Brighton. Nan, Grandpa and Auntie JoJo took Mia to The Sealife Centre as the weather wasn't up to much. The Sealife Centre seemed quite cool. Not amazing or anything and we could only see what a child, who isn't even two yet, wanted us to see, so I'm not sure I made it to every nook and cranny, but overall the day was good. Mia has lots of new words and if you ask if she is ok? She says 'fine.' Even I have to admit that is cute!!

Today I hung around at my folks house. I was determined to finish knitting my scarf and finish knitting it I did... Oh yeah... Scarf pride...

I know you can't see the ends, but I promise it is all done! Only 3 years it took...After finishing the scarf. I went swimming (80 more lengths.) Then a quick stop at the shops on the way back home.

OK as important as I realise it is to keep you updated on my knitting and swimming progress, right now I really ought to be getting packed. Dad will be here to pick me up at 9 am tomorrow and I don't even think the washing has got dry properly yet.

Now where is that suitcase?

See you soon peeps xxx

Giving Myself A Pat On The Back

2 gigs down, 2 to go of my mini November Tour...

Saturday was fine. Nice little gig in Piccadilly Circus. And Sunday was well. Perhaps you should read This. I did say I was a tad nervous about the gig in High Wycombe.

If it tells us anything, it tells us what a fantastic friend I have in Becki.

Thanks love xxx

Acting like a girly.

Has anyone seen my plimsoles?

Of course you have. Anyone that has seem me, has seen my plimsoles and my jeans and my vast collection of tatty t-shirts and probably a hoody or a scruffy old cardi for good measure.

Well every now and again, I leave the plimsoles at home and I put on my girly shoes. In the past this has been rare, but it seems to be becoming a bit more regular. This week is of particular note. Not only did I leave my plimsoles at home, I left my jeans at home too. I didn't stumble out of the flat so drunk I went out in my jimjams. No...I wore a dress. Yes you read right, I wore a dress... Well not one dress, but two. Not two at the same time neither...

On two separate occasions this week I have worn a dress and tights and girly shoes: On Saturday I went to a really cool Halloween party and I wore a dress to the party. Not fancy dress a pretty dress. On Tuesday, I wore a smart dress to work, with fishnet tights too. How girly is that? Two dresses in one week!! AND Today I wore proper trousers and girl shoes AGAIN. What is happening to me? It is a marvel. It really is.

Thing is, I was out on Sunday after the zoo... jeans, plimsoles and a zoo shirt (for added class) and it was then that I got a bit of boy action. No dress, no heels required!

I'm liking the change towards the girliness, but I still like my plimsoles best and whatever anyone thinks, even girls in plimsoles can get kisses!

Please remember though, boys stink and kissing and all that should be treated with extreme caution.

A time for Industry

Yes, this is right! I said Industry!! I had better explain... before people start to think they are on the wrong bloggage.

Well - So good is my diary planning that in the space of five days, I will be doing four comedy gigs!? You could say my gigs are like buses. None for ages, then four come along at once. Well it hasn't been ages, but it has been a little while. You wouldn't want to wait for a bus for 10 days I guess...Then after this week, I could end up going another two weeks until I gig again as well. What a goon! Anyway, this is a very disorganised list of what and where they are. If any blog passer by was interested in attending, just shout me up and I'll get you proper details.

Tomorrow: What Am I funny Huh?, Queen's Head, Piccadilly Circus.

Sunday: LOL Show, High Wycombe (scariest of the four - Mr Cee of the Comedy School said "Bring your best stuff, they can get rowdy." He offered me a spot, but then threw in this advice after hearing my set, twice in a week!? I took it as a huge compliment to get the gig and he obviously must have enjoyed something, but does he think I have some secret funnies that I've not been sharing with the students at the Comedy School?)

Tuesday: Party Piece, Stamford Hill, (I've not got my name down, but I'm hoping that is a mere technicality. I will be there for the discount Guiness, performance or no performance...)

Wednesday: A gig for a brain injury charity called Headway in a pub called the Water Poets... Someone at work asked me if I was interested in doing it and I get to do ten minutes if I like, so that should be nice. I suppose I'll have to take the brain injury section out of my set though. It simply won't be the same!!

I wonder if this monumental run of comedy magic will make me or break me. If I live to see Thursday of next week without liver poisoning, I'm hoping I will at least have learnt a few comedy lessons. Plus I'll be polishing my "60" medal with glee :) There is a medal right? Norm mentions it so much, there has to be!? I'm hoping the gigs go well, I don't lose my job and I feel encouraged to do a few more gigs EVERY week, but let us not hold our breath for this spell of industry lasting, hey?? Let us not tempt that eggy basket of funny fate.

Oh and I'm still knitting my scarf... intermittently and I have an order for a new scarf for a very special someone, so I had better get busy with the knitting needles too.

OK, I'm going home now and you will all be glad to hear that I am having an alcohol free day today. Yes, I'm not proud, but this is a big deal to me. My week has been a social whirl...I've been out five nights in the last week and am now saving up my energies for my "Comedy Tour" :) I guess having t-shirts printed is a little premature, but hey ho.