Brace Yourself: I’m Still Writing About Knitting.

Oh and braces – get it – brace yourself. I really must stop explaining my punlicious post titles…

Anyway… BRACES

Next week on Wednesday 2nd December 2009, I have my next appointment at the orthodontist and I am having my fixed braces removed. This will be just ten days short of two years after the date they were fitted. The original report quoted the treatment would take two years and in my ever optimistic naivety, I thought that was just to manage expectations and it would never take that long.

The orthodontist has pretty much admitted defeat on a number of things he was trying to fix. My bite is still slightly out of line and I still have two quite hefty gaps in my back teeth where adult teeth are missing and the jawbone proved too insubstantial to drag the very back teeth into the gaps.

This dental defeat is a bit of a disappointing end to two years work. BUT, the reason I got the braces was to correct some very peculiar and noticeable issues with my canine teeth that are now correct, so I need to remember that. Good has come of the exercise. It seems that to correct the bite and the other gaps could involve extractions/crowns and a lot more corrective work that I’m not happy about getting involved with. I’ve served my time as far as I can tell and got most of what I wanted out of it all... So, decision is made and as of next Wednesday – my braces will be gone!

Yesterday, as the first stage in preparation for this austere occasion, I went to the orthodontist to get bonded retainers fitted. I gather these can take various forms, but mine are in the form of two tiny gold chains glued to the back of twelve of my teeth (one tiny gold chain glued to the back of my six upper front teeth and one tiny gold chain glued to the back of the six lower front teeth).

It is designed to stop the teeth shifting into their old positions. I don’t understand how and it feels horrible. The chains, as I say, are tiny, but the glue feels very clumpy and odd. I must be used to having my mouth treated like a junkyard, because as horrid as it feels, I am getting used to it after less than a day. Just as well - this latest fixture is supposed to be permanent...Aaargh, the horror. All those times I got down in the dumps and whined that my orthodontic torture seemed like it would never end. Ha, it seems as if I was right and I do in fact have a lasting double gold chain souvenir… Thank You Mr Ash, Orthodontic Consultant, Whipp’s Cross Hospital.

So it is 8 days to brace-off. I will undoubtedly be using that as a fine excuse to get rat arsed. I’m wondering if I should have asked the orthodontist to chain the lot up, just leaving a little gap big enough for a straw for booze.

The following Wednesday, I pick up the gum shield retainers that I'll have to sleep in for the next year or so... (Yes, I get those too.) Not looking forward to that either, but hey ho.

The removal of my braces does leave a rather tragic gap in my comedy set. Perhaps it will be some sort of catalyst to me spending some time coming up with new material. Perhaps not. Watch this space.

KNITTING: See Sproglet’s Blog for very funny write up of our trip to the wool shop and how I learnt to cast on using youtube videos. Yes, I’ve started work on a scarf for her now and after only two and a bit days, it is already around 20 inches long. I am knitting on gas.

It has not escaped my notice that despite a few whisperings from the bo-ho chic circles saying that knitting was back as a cool hobby to have a few years ago, (around the time I started my other scarf…Hmmm) – yeah, even if one or two people did say it was meant to be cool in 2007, I am the only person doing it on the 56 bus in 2009 and I probably do look like a bit of a twat.

Rome was not built in a day. I know - I’ve been there! If I have to knit on the bus to get my Sproggles neck all warm and snuggly this side of Crimbo, then knit on the bus, I will. I'm sure I don't look that hot when I use bus journey time to snooze and drool all over the window, so knitting could be an improvement if anything.

Lovely. I need to go. Drinking in Stamford Hill again tonight... Will this "FUN" never end? I hope not!