Crime Spree

Slowly but surely, the excitement of meeting Perry Fenwick on Wednesday did wear off. (Apologies for the epic blog about the meeting. What can I say? I'm sad and I was excited, it might be wrong, but I've been an off and on EastEnders viewer for as long as I can remember. I'm no maniac fan, but it was still exciting!!) Anyway, after the rush of mingling with the stars had worn off a little, on Thursday I was off to the Comedy School to do my five minute set and then a Q&A for the current students there. One of the students was Kate Garraway of GMTV fame. Two TV personalities in one week!? Oh yes, I've surely hit the big time!

She seemed nice enough, she asked me that old favourite 'how is it different being a woman doing comedy?' ... "Err, I only know how it is to be a woman doing comedy, never having been a man, but it seems ok so far. There are less girls on the open mic circuit, but still plenty of us ... I've heard there is a bottle neck when you get onto paid comedy bills, but you just got to do what you got to do."

Everything else at The Comedy School went nicely too including my set, which was sweet and tight. Keith said it was very good. I got to meet Manos The Greek and after the show I stayed for a quick chat with Keith, Cee, Mark and Debs.

When I left the comedy school, just after 10 pm, the first thing I noticed was that my car had no rear number plate. I checked the front - no front number plate either. I was certain (well hopeful), I'd have noticed this plate absence before I began my journey that evening, or at least when I'd glanced back at the car to see how badly I'd parked, and assumed it must have happened within the time I'd been at the Comedy School. I set off on my journey home feeling quite illegal.

It took about five minutes of the journey, before a police car started to tail me and I drove at my all time most careful, knowing that getting pulled over was inevitable, but hoping not to make matters any worse for myself by going through red lights or stopping at green lights as I sometimes do. The policeman waited until we got to a wider Camden Road, then sure as eggs is eggs, he began flashing his blue lights.

I pulled in, turned my engine off, wound down my window and did my best to look innocent. As he approached my car, I said 'I've been waiting for you to pull me over.' He said 'I couldn't do it on the narrow part of the road, I didn't want to cause an obstruction.' I said 'I've only just noticed that they've been stolen and I'm going to report it as soon as I get home.' That was pretty much that, he didn't question me any further on the matter and he said he just wanted to make sure I was aware of it or words to that effect and wished me well.

'What not even a frisk?' I wanted to scream. No, no frisk. He clearly didn't fancy that and didn't want to be troubled with the paperwork of it all, by taking more details...

I duly reported the theft when I got home. I rang a Camden police number, believing that to be where the crime had taken place. They take very basic details and promise a call back within 72 hours.

I was called up yesterday by a nice PC Weeks to get more details and have my crime number issued. During that conversation, I was made aware of the fact that a car like mine, bearing my registration number had been reported, on Wednesday 25th November, driving away from a petrol station in Waltham Forest without paying for fuel. Shock on. I had in fact dozily got into my car on Thursday and driven to Camden oblivious to the missing plates. PC Weeks understood. He said it took him three days to notice his were missing once. This is an officer of the law! Keeping us safe and being observant etc... Well that made me feel a bit better. About my doziness rather than about PC Weeks and his policing skills.

So - If Waltham Forest police do contact me to discuss the petrol theft, imagine what a lunatic I will sound when asked where I was on Wednesday. 'It can't have been me Gov, I was down the boozer with Billy Mitchell, you can ask him yourself.' Yes, that will definitely go down well. Besides which, those Mitchells have been involved in all sorts of dodgy deals over the years. I'm sure they are not the most reliable of characters to mention in one's alibi.

So my number plates are out and about enjoying a crime spree, while I'm at home blogging and knitting. Maybe I'll take my own unmarked car out for a joy ride. Maybe not, the washing up needs doing and I need to go swimming later.

Take care peeps and next time you take your vehicle out for a drive, have a glance to see if you've still got your number plates or not. You never know...