Conversation about a scarf

My bus got caught in traffic this morning and it made me later to work than usual (I am usually late), but today I was later than usual despite my best efforts and intentions of getting in on time, which seemed a little mean, karma wise...

So, when I was telling a colleague, David, about the one hour, twenty minute bus journey – usually fifty minutes to an hour tops – I did say – “well at least I got to do a bit of extra knitting.”

David said – “Did you? Let’s see the knitting then, how’s it going?”

As I unravelled the scarf from around the knitting needles holding my arms further and further up in the air and the scarf still reaching the floor…

David asked - “Surely, that is finished?”

I said “but I’m trying to use up the ball of wool. I think it might be magic. It seems never ending.”

He said, “but that is getting out of control.”

“Well Becki said she wants to wrap it round and round, so I’m just going to keep going until the wool is finished. “

“Wrap it round what?” David joked.

“I don’t know”, I played along…”her waist? Maybe she is going to invent a whole new kind of wrap outfit.”

I showed him what remained on the ball of wool and explained, “it is less than it looks though, see it is quite squishy and hollow.” (the ball, still looks quite substantial, but is squishy and hollow now)

He gave the ball a squeeze and said yeah, “but there is probably another few feet there.” As I rolled the scarf back around the needles, he asked the question I’m coming to dread… “so when are you going to be knitting my scarf?”

I explained that Chris had already chosen his wool on Friday and there was at least one more to go after that. I also said I might need knitting respite at some point. David must have sensed the pressure and responsibility of my knitting waiting list (two is a list in my book) … He said he would be happy to put his order in for the 2010/11 winter season. I hope nobody else comes out of the woodwork that I have made passing scarf offers to. This new hobby is definitely testing my stamina.

Oh yeah, my Mother saw my latest scarf venture on Saturday too. She said – “Blimey, I’ve never known you apply yourself to anything like this before.”

I thought that was perhaps a little unnecessary!

Crime Spree

Slowly but surely, the excitement of meeting Perry Fenwick on Wednesday did wear off. (Apologies for the epic blog about the meeting. What can I say? I'm sad and I was excited, it might be wrong, but I've been an off and on EastEnders viewer for as long as I can remember. I'm no maniac fan, but it was still exciting!!) Anyway, after the rush of mingling with the stars had worn off a little, on Thursday I was off to the Comedy School to do my five minute set and then a Q&A for the current students there. One of the students was Kate Garraway of GMTV fame. Two TV personalities in one week!? Oh yes, I've surely hit the big time!

She seemed nice enough, she asked me that old favourite 'how is it different being a woman doing comedy?' ... "Err, I only know how it is to be a woman doing comedy, never having been a man, but it seems ok so far. There are less girls on the open mic circuit, but still plenty of us ... I've heard there is a bottle neck when you get onto paid comedy bills, but you just got to do what you got to do."

Everything else at The Comedy School went nicely too including my set, which was sweet and tight. Keith said it was very good. I got to meet Manos The Greek and after the show I stayed for a quick chat with Keith, Cee, Mark and Debs.

When I left the comedy school, just after 10 pm, the first thing I noticed was that my car had no rear number plate. I checked the front - no front number plate either. I was certain (well hopeful), I'd have noticed this plate absence before I began my journey that evening, or at least when I'd glanced back at the car to see how badly I'd parked, and assumed it must have happened within the time I'd been at the Comedy School. I set off on my journey home feeling quite illegal.

It took about five minutes of the journey, before a police car started to tail me and I drove at my all time most careful, knowing that getting pulled over was inevitable, but hoping not to make matters any worse for myself by going through red lights or stopping at green lights as I sometimes do. The policeman waited until we got to a wider Camden Road, then sure as eggs is eggs, he began flashing his blue lights.

I pulled in, turned my engine off, wound down my window and did my best to look innocent. As he approached my car, I said 'I've been waiting for you to pull me over.' He said 'I couldn't do it on the narrow part of the road, I didn't want to cause an obstruction.' I said 'I've only just noticed that they've been stolen and I'm going to report it as soon as I get home.' That was pretty much that, he didn't question me any further on the matter and he said he just wanted to make sure I was aware of it or words to that effect and wished me well.

'What not even a frisk?' I wanted to scream. No, no frisk. He clearly didn't fancy that and didn't want to be troubled with the paperwork of it all, by taking more details...

I duly reported the theft when I got home. I rang a Camden police number, believing that to be where the crime had taken place. They take very basic details and promise a call back within 72 hours.

I was called up yesterday by a nice PC Weeks to get more details and have my crime number issued. During that conversation, I was made aware of the fact that a car like mine, bearing my registration number had been reported, on Wednesday 25th November, driving away from a petrol station in Waltham Forest without paying for fuel. Shock on. I had in fact dozily got into my car on Thursday and driven to Camden oblivious to the missing plates. PC Weeks understood. He said it took him three days to notice his were missing once. This is an officer of the law! Keeping us safe and being observant etc... Well that made me feel a bit better. About my doziness rather than about PC Weeks and his policing skills.

So - If Waltham Forest police do contact me to discuss the petrol theft, imagine what a lunatic I will sound when asked where I was on Wednesday. 'It can't have been me Gov, I was down the boozer with Billy Mitchell, you can ask him yourself.' Yes, that will definitely go down well. Besides which, those Mitchells have been involved in all sorts of dodgy deals over the years. I'm sure they are not the most reliable of characters to mention in one's alibi.

So my number plates are out and about enjoying a crime spree, while I'm at home blogging and knitting. Maybe I'll take my own unmarked car out for a joy ride. Maybe not, the washing up needs doing and I need to go swimming later.

Take care peeps and next time you take your vehicle out for a drive, have a glance to see if you've still got your number plates or not. You never know...

My New Scarf and other bits about the week.

So I'm off tomorrow on my Italian mini break with my Mum and Dad. I'll be back on Wednesday night.

All it has been a pretty good week.

Gigs 59 and 60 were good. Well Party Piece (59) wasn't all that. My own fault: I jibber jabbered, which sometimes works. On Tuesday it didn't though. I just felt a bit guilty for being rubbish and copping out early. Having said that, there were not many audience there, so no point in getting too caught up in the guilt of it all.

Wednesday's Headway gig (60) at The Water Poets was amazing. Really lovely warm crowd. I got a lovely reception, good feedback after and managed to remember my words. I threw in a few happy ad libs that got laughs too. Some chick in the front (I think she was another comic actually from "The Silky Pair") coughed over my 'you can even give blowjobs' line, so I was worried the point was muffled, but I teased her about it and wondered what she was coughing on and that made it all funny again before the disclaimer ending...

After the gig I went drinking with the other comics including Duncan Oakley and Silky (no relation to The Silky Pair) Duncan and Silky have been going years and I felt all cheerful with myself for being out with the "big guns" (paid acts) and it was plain lovely as everyone had such a smashing time at the gig and after. We stayed out drinking until gone 2 in the morning.

Thursday was my last day at work until next Thursday. Ace!!

Friday was family fun day with lovely niecey in Brighton. Nan, Grandpa and Auntie JoJo took Mia to The Sealife Centre as the weather wasn't up to much. The Sealife Centre seemed quite cool. Not amazing or anything and we could only see what a child, who isn't even two yet, wanted us to see, so I'm not sure I made it to every nook and cranny, but overall the day was good. Mia has lots of new words and if you ask if she is ok? She says 'fine.' Even I have to admit that is cute!!

Today I hung around at my folks house. I was determined to finish knitting my scarf and finish knitting it I did... Oh yeah... Scarf pride...

I know you can't see the ends, but I promise it is all done! Only 3 years it took...After finishing the scarf. I went swimming (80 more lengths.) Then a quick stop at the shops on the way back home.

OK as important as I realise it is to keep you updated on my knitting and swimming progress, right now I really ought to be getting packed. Dad will be here to pick me up at 9 am tomorrow and I don't even think the washing has got dry properly yet.

Now where is that suitcase?

See you soon peeps xxx