Christmas Cheer...(Part 2)

OK, so the Christmas cheer is rapidly running out, but I think I've done really well to last this long.

I think one problem this year is I'm trying to drink less than normal. I've been drinking shitloads over the past few months. OK, I've been drinking shitloads for years now, but just by way of a breather, for the last couple of weeks, I've been trying to dot a few non drinking days in between the drunken haze days. I think perhaps this is misguided. Christmas is no time for sobriety. I'm not sure that there is a good time for sobriety... anyway ... Christmas Progress.

1
I posted a total of 16 Christmas cards. Not including any that I gave by hand to close friends. Yep, pretty good going hey? I'm totally propping up the Royal Mail.

2
My elf capers continued. As part of our office Christmas lunch, Melly (elf costume designer) persuaded me to put the costume back on and give out our Secret Santa presents out. I'm not entirely sure how I got talked into doing this and it was considerably more embarrassing than dressing up in the context of a Children's fayre.

Well we learn something new every day. And so from one wise (wo)man to another... If you're at work dressed as an elf and one of your colleague suggests you take the Director a mince pie, just say "No, don't be so bloody stupid". Or take that mince pie to the Director, confuse the fuck out of him and experience the most awkward fifteen seconds of both your careers.

3
In the corner shop on Sunday, Becki and I found an old man who was having terrible difficulty breathing and was clearly in a pretty bad way. Becki sprang to work, doing all her best bandage club moves on him. She got him comfortable on a chair (provided by the usually grumpy shop owner) and he (Alf, the old boy) said he wasn't going to be able to walk home, so we called him a cab. We waited for the cab with him and went with him to see he got safely back through the snow.

When he got in his house, Alf sat on his sofa and in no time was gasping merrily on a big oxygen cannister, while we got busy robbing him blind. No, we didn't really rob him. We just politely declined a cup of tea, saw that he was ok and made our way back to the shop where Becki had left her Coca Cola by mistake. Alf's house was a bit sad. There was no carpet, no wallpaper or paint and a big full ashtray next to his oxygen can. Look on the brightside though. He had a bottle of cheap whiskey and a really nice telly. We both went home with a warm glow from helping an elderly neighbour in need during the festive season.

4
I've spent heaps of money in the last few days on 'last minute gifts', which actually seemed to be pretty much everything I needed to get. Far from a warm glow, I've got a cold dread about having to wrap the whole bastard lot up!

This next story is a bit boring, not related to Christmas, but happened yesterday.

I was in a chain pub that shall remain nameless last night and ordered a sweet potato curry. The waiter man came over and told me that they had no sweet potato curry. It might have been sweet potato. I can't quite remember. It was some veggie curry. They didn't have it, so I ordered a "Gourmet Veggie Burger" instead.

When my burger arrived, it had the most sad and miserable, brown looking side order of chips I'd ever seen. The waiter man put the food down and disappeared, but returned quickly to the table with 51p, (the difference in price between the two meals) and I asked him - "Why don't my chips look like the chips in the picture?" I was chuckling as I asked him, because they didn't look anything like the picture or anything like chips. The waiter looked at my chips and thought about it for a second - I awaited some smart response -This is what he said, "Erm, because yours are overcooked and burnt."

At least I wasn't imagining it. He got me new chips.

We only went in the chain pub to escape the snow. We probably won't go again for a while.

Right everyone has left work now, so I'm going to leave too.

In case I don't write before, have a Merry Christmas. I'm off out to get drunk. It is the only true way to enjoy the Festive Season. I should be sober again some time in the New Year. xx