Farms and Stuffs.

So Becki and I went to Hackney City Farm yesterday. I really liked this goat. We also saw geese, chickens, sheep and lambs, pigs and a donkey. Other pictures can be seen on my facebook page. I think the goats were friendliest. 

After the farm we went for a pint in a pub called The Albion. Then we left there and got a bus along to Hackney, we went in The Cock Tavern and it was very grimey in there, so we came back to Baker's Arms and had a pint in the irish pub there, The Bootlaces. We had Guiness. It was nice. Even when I squashed a tiny fly and it landed in my pint, I fished him out and finished the pint anyway... Mmmm fly guts in my beer. Tasty!! 

We got more beer from the off licence and ordered pizza at my house. Mmmmm Mr Domino. :) There is a secret deal, not advertised anywhere that I've never seen that Becki let me in on. You can get a 7 inch pizza, plus garlic pizza bread for less than 8 quid. BARGAIN!! Our pizzas didn't arrive, so after 50 minutes, I rang to check on them. There had been a mix up and for our inconvenience - we got our whole dinner for a bargain price of 10.50 for two pizzas and two garlic breads. It was very tasty. Less fat than when we order medium pizzas as well!! 

It was all a far cry from the £96 I paid last time, when 3 of us got pizza and we didn't get a deal and they charged my card three times. Silly bastards. Yes I was quite surprised too when I saw that on my statement. I like pizza, but not 96 pounds worth. Lloyds did eventually refund me, but no more pizza on the debit card for B and I. Only cash now or no pizza for us! 

Today my new manager started at work. He seems ok. It doesn't change the fact that a new job is required though. 

I went to the gym tonight. Did 6 km in 40 minutes. Better than 5.5 km in almost 46 minutes as per Friday, but not as quick as I'd like. Must run more often and get better at it and hopefully get thinner too. Hopefully. . . Tired now, so night nights xx

Comedy Progress (Norm style, but not really)

Martin Besserman, promoter at Monkey Business rang me out of the blue on Thursday and said he'd had a few girl acts drop out of his New Acts Night that evening and would I like to come down? I agreed - wow - a promoter rang me?? This was super cool. Have I hit the big time?

Well, I'd been working at home on Thursday, so I was in that staying in kind of mood, but I tried to shake myself out of it and dragged my sorry arse down to Kentish Town. The venue was really busy and cramped. I arrived late and had just enough time to get a bottle of beer, then I had a bit of trouble squeezing past people to a seat near Peter who had come along to support (thanks Peter - for the support, not for picking the difficult to get to seat) the first section of the show, the acts were really strong. 

I was trying not to smoke on Thursday* and that started to get me a bit angsty after a while, plus I was kind of hemmed in and couldn't get to the bar freely to at least keep my beer levels topped up (aaah... not cool). The first interval came and went and again in the second section, they were all pretty good acts. Martin was putting on about six acts per section and the only shame is he has this habit of letting early acts over run. Not great if he leaves you to go on later in the show... By the second interval, it was getting late. There had already been three girls perform amidst all the other boys and two of those girls had been very strong acts and very polished. 

(Why was I here again?) 

Minimum levels (ok, usual levels) of preparation for me involve running through the seven in my head and recalling where the funnies are. If there are any new bits, I might read them through too. On Thursday, I was sitting there barely able to concentrate on even the most basic stuff in my set, what with the nicotine receptors leading their merry disruptive dance in my head... now I was quite concerned that these other girls were storming it. 

At that second interval, about a quarter to a third of the audience left. It was almost 11 o'clock by that stage. I don't blame them. Some other comedians around me were chatting and started to add up how many acts were left and we estimated five. We weren't getting out of that place until almost midnight!! I briefly considered saying to Martin, take me off the list, but as we all know - a gig is a gig. As it turned out there were more like six or seven acts still left to perform though. 

By the time I got to the stage, at around 11.30 (second to last) I felt tired, pee'd off and apologetic to the audience - who were also tired and all comedy'd out by then. My set was a bit of a shocker, peppered with tripping over words and fluffed punch lines, but some bits still got laughs. At times, I was laughing at myself and my own mistakes and did interact with the audience a bit, which was kinda cool, the audience seemed to react fairly well to me, despite my shambolic performance style. A new line about my Personal Trainer came to me in a flash and that got laughs, so it wasn't all bad, but it didn't end too well...

I totally forgot the funny bit for number 7, so made some embarrassing announcement about the joke being me, which got a huge heart felt - "aaaaah" back from the audience... Thanks - sympathy isn't what I came for - thought I, so I backtracked, told them I couldn't be arsed thinking of the last joke, made my sincere apologies, said my goodbyes and left the stage. ooops!! My mind actually had gone blank. Maybe I would  have given myself time to collect my thoughts, if I hadn't still been embarrassed about how late it was. Who knows. I hope I didn't appear like too much of a dick for not putting in the effort. Late or not, I should have given it my best shot. And - apparently I was wrong. Martin Besserman just likes to have too many acts and I have a long way to go before I've hit the big time!

Norm says he is looking for high energy stillness. I think I found low energy stillness on Thursday. Perhaps if I'd had a red bull beforehand, I'd have been closer to the magic formula. 

Improvisation. Norm (talking about you again - I think I might be obsessed...) Norm is doing improvisation and I'm bounding onto the improv bandwagon head first. I'm signing up for a whole weekend of it, back with my old buddies the Comedy School and it is next weekend. Ha ha. I've heard mixed reviews about the course, but what do reviewers know hey??? I'm hoping I get some material ideas out of fooling around for two days (worth the 75 quid on its own - as anyone waiting for me to write more comedy ideas down would know...) Also if it helps me react and bounce off the audience, my need for material could become a thing of the past. Muah ha ha ha. 

My motives are clearly less honorable than Norman's search for a higher level of  comedy understanding, comedy consciousness and ultimately reaching comedy nirvana. I'm just looking for ways to get round the traditional requirement of comedy being written... I am slightly concerned that it will be quite physical and jolly or that I'm going to have to imagine a chair isn't really a chair. Aaaaaaah shoot me now!! Well, I think it will be useful anyway.

Quincy and Aussie Dave are on the same course, plus I've planned drinks with Debs on Saturday night, so it is like a full blown reunion... if not useful - it should be fun :-)

*smoke update - It is 2 days and 11 hours since my last ciggie. Up until a month or three ago, I wouldn't smoke every day anyway, so a bit disheartening to be counting hours... How distressing - I'm a crazy addict.

Gym Progress (Norm style)

My new plan for improving my running at the gym is to try and add 0.5 km to my run each week. I can just about run 5 km at the moment, although I tend to need to stop for short walk breaks (a minute to 90 seconds usually) two or three times during that distance. 

I hope by increasing the distance gradually in this way, by April 29th when I'm due to take part in the 5 km run, I'll be able to run a reasonably comfortable 7 km on the treadmill. (With running on grass/road  being harder going than on the treadmill, I think I need to be able to run further in the gym than is required on the day). 

Lush Roman, my sometimes stand in PT, says I should also do some running practice outside of the gym as it is a completely different mechanic, so maybe I'll need to be doing an outdoors run once a week as well. Although I'm a girl and no idea about distance, so I won't know how far I'm running then.

I went to the gym last night (yes on a Friday and didn't even go to the pub after), but discovered once changed into my PE kit that I had left my asthma inhaler at home. I knew right away that this would prevent me getting much running done. I thought I would see how I got on without it, but after a 5 minute warm up of walking at 6 k.m/ph on 3.5% gradient, then re setting the target distance to 5.5 km and pressing go... 

Well, I tried to run at 9km/p/h, but it didn't feel good from the get go and I was ready to throw in the towel before I'd even run 1 km. My chest was feeling tight already and you'd be surprised just how much more difficult to keep going it is when breathing is even slightly restricted. I resigned myself to only walking and thought I'd continue with that until I'd done 20 or 25 minutes, just so that it had made going in the gym sort of worthwhile. 

I took it bit by bit and after about 20 minutes, my breathing had settled down a little and I was able to run 200 metres at a time, then walk again for 2 or 300 metres to recover and I managed to carry on like this until I'd completed the whole of the 5.5km, but it took me a massive 45 min 48 seconds. A far cry from running 5 km in 32 mins - still my best time. Yesterday's ave speed only 7.2 km/p/h. 

A shame I stupidly forgot the inhaler, but glad I made the distance in the end. If I can get to the stage of coping with a distance of 7km by the end of April, 10km may not be such an impossible task after all...

After the run I did absolutely no weights with a much lighter weight and far fewer reps. :) I really enjoyed that part of the session. Apparently not doing weights was the late great Bruce Lee's favourite bit too. He had a lot of books on it.

When Happiness Fills You up Big Stylee.

So, my very good number one chum Becki had some tricky news earlier this week. Her flatmate in Croydon has decided to move in with another buddy of his to help out with the mortgage. Its recession times... We're all trying to make ends meet and making tricky decisions ... and Becki's flatmate has decided to a good deed by his buddy. 

What will Becki do though? That is exactly what Becki wondered.  She could have stayed in the flat and looked for a new flatmate, she didn't want to move back in with her Mum & Dad but maybe she'd have to, or maybe she would look for a new place altogether, a new flatshare. 

I'd have had her in the blink of an eye, but here I am in my one bed flat and as brilliantly as we get on.... long term, even us kinky girls need our own bedroom at least. 

Oh My Dog.

So now a day or so after the initial quandry of where will she go, Becki has found a new potential flatmate in ... Walthamstow... Yay yay. triple yay. I haven't been this excited in a long time. I really feel like things might work out in the Stow. I've been here 7 years, coz I bought a cheap flat and didn't have the imagination to move, but if friends of mine are moving to the area, then it could really start to feel like home. 

I don't want to jinx B's move, but I'm over the moon about it. It will be like "Neighbours". I have a cat sitter that hasn't sitted my cats in years, but still has keys to my flat. I'm going to make a special effort to retrieve those keys and they will be especially for Becki upon her taking residence in the wondrous neighbourhood that is the Stow... i've donated one of the fish to her already as a welcome gift and I can't wait for our E17 capers together. 

All my other troubles I'll deal with in due course, but this is a truly fandabalicious distraction. Happy Wednesdays to one and all :) Sorry Norm. Still no sex, drugs or rock n roll.

Late and tired.

I'm like totally going to update this blog and say funny stuff and all of that other sh*t innit. 

Soooon. 

I is tired though and it is late.

yes, work is a mare this week too. Like normal. 

yes, I'm bored and writing blogs on a Monday night in the Stow...

yes, I'm alone in the flat again. 

Although not really stressing about any of it. 

 I've got free wine donated by the Comedy School bar I helped out at on Saturday night. 

So, I'm glugging free chardonnay to numb the pain and distract me from the huge pile of laundry I should be attending to, but it is beyond a joke and I should have gone to bed by now. I will regret this procrastination when i have to dress like a misguided tramp for work tomorrow coz the laundry isn't done. Not to mention the chardonnay headache I'll have.

Ok, enough is enough, I'm not really in pain. yet. I am drinking alone though and should drag myself to bed. 

witty anecdotes, tales of woe and all that jazz some time soon. just give me a chance to let it all happen.

for now. sleep. much love all xxx

Drinking on a Schoolnight

I have laughed so hard today and it was all at my own stupid behaviour last night. 

To try and keep this entry as brief as possible. Not easy with me. I shall refer to a text I sent first thing this morning to two very good friends of mine. I think it picks out the highlights of what occurred...

You know when you wake up and your shame sensers are waiting for your brain to catch up. Just woke up... what did I do? what did I do? Well Becki and I tried to talk **** **** (a comic*) into a threesome last night. That isn't the bit to be ashamed about. Well only coz he's cool and we weren't! Just why oh why? Most shame... I seriously thought he was up for it. Bearing in mind the state B and I were in and he never drinks. We all left the pub together. Were going to mine I thought. Then he escaped b4 tube! Shame on me. For best actually. Don't really want to see B starkers. Big phone. Big Texts. :)

It is a long text hey? I just got a Blackberry innit!!! Down with the kids me... 

Becki and I had at least five or six, possibly (probably) more pints of premium lager and looking back on it we may not have been a sober person's idea of a hot choice for a potential threesome. It all seemed hilarious at the time though. Whilst we both agree today that we were unlikely to go through with actually having a threesome. I thought he was up for coming back to mine for a jaunt and a giggle. I think he was just going along with us from the very beginning having his own big wapping joke at drunk people. Fair enough, there has to be some advantages in staying sober, but at the time when we got to Oxford Circus and he said, right I'm off to catch a bus, I couldn't believe he would opt out of a night of sexy times at sexy mansions, sexy close, Walthamstow. I was stunned.

Well it all certainly made Becki and I chuckle for our whole journey to work on the tube today. Just picturing the state we must have looked has me smiling again now. 

Yep the whole thing has really cheered me up. It made both friends I told crease up, so I think I've done them a good turn as well. I think I've found another solution to keep me out of the duldrums. Do more stupid drunk stuff. It will keep me laughing for days to come that will. 

I've got to go. My parents arrive in 20 minutes and I need to try and make the flat smell of flowers, not cigarette smoke.

Obviously I'm writing this blog with a wider audience in mind than it actually has. 1 follower/friend is in the story and another got the original text. I need to publicise more. Please tell all your friends.

* a good funny comic, but he's not on the tele just yet, so don't be wondering who... 

Jobs, Mums and Problems.

Over the years I've found myself less and less likely to engage my Mum in my personal dilemnas. I used to go to her, I used to think that it somehow proved how close we were. Compared to many Mothers and Daughters I guess we are really close and perhaps my turning to her during difficult times would have contributed to that closeness.

I still share things with her, I just no longer feel inclined to turn to her with every one of my problems. She doesn't see my problems like I see my problems and following many a fruitless exchange where all we achieve is to stress each other out, these days I'm a lot less likely to share my times of distress with her.

If I get upset on the phone to her now, I quickly make my excuses and end the conversation. (I do sometimes forget all this, and her ever practical, but 'not quite getting it' type reactions usually remind me of my slip up.) She is best consulted when a problem can be solved with new jeans or sneakers or possibly even new curtains, then she really comes into her own.

So, I'd refrained from telling her about the anxiety I've caused myself over the past week or so with stray emails at work declaring to people I shouldn't declare it to, that I'm very dissatsified in my current position.

Then today I happened to flippantly mention in an email to Mum that

"I need a new job. Like last year."

(by "like last year", I mean this requirement is long overdue, I'm not comparing it to a separate job crisis I had then.)

Her response was:

"you need a new job, not a good time to decide that, but heh you can still look around !! who knows what might be out there."

So, I'm blogging instead of hitting reply, because this is what I wanted to say, but I know it won't end well - like so many other of our problem sharing sessions...

"Indeed the global economic downturn does not make this a good time to need a new job. What an excellent observation and well made to boot.

On the other hand, I've not suddenly decided I need a new job. Rather I have avoided the inevitable for a good few years, but finally reached the end of a certain tether.

Unfortunately my mental health and general wellbeing is not that closely linked to the economic climate. My "sudden" (ill timed?) need for a new job has more to do with my growing despair at how unpleasant I find the majority of my waking hours coupled with the growing realisation that getting out of this job is my best way out of that despair.

No happy home-life or cherished dependents to help me justify the need for my comfortable salary unfortunately, just big aching holes. "

Admittedly even I knew I'd taken things a little bit far with "big aching holes". I thought it was quite a heart wrenching way to put my point though. My home life is ok really, it is happy. I'm sort of alone at home, but thats ok. Well it seemed to be ok and I seemed to be happy up until about a month ago, since which time I've been a bit of a misery guts, to say the least.

So I don't like work and being home alone isn't really cutting it. What to do? Go to the pub? Ha, yes, I'm doing a fair bit of that (or staying in the office typing blogs until 7.45.) They may not be long term answers though.

If I take one thing at a time, finding a new job is a bloody good idea and perhaps my intention to set to that task post haste, was not well expressed in my original statement to mum "I need a new job." So, back to the emails - I was going to say in my reply that - yes as she suggests - I will look at what other jobs are out there, I realise I MUST. She isn't telling me to get on with my job and stop complaining, she is encouraging me to look for other things. I would have got around to thanking her for that encouragement, had I not already decided to post my thoughts here first instead of send the reply at all.

Because these were the things that screamed at me from her message, things that got my heckles up:

• "God girl, you do pick your moments."
• "Don't do anything hasty now Jo."**
• "Have a look for a new job, because you won't find it and perhaps you'll see things aren't so bad after all."

**yes, there is a definite unspoken reference to when I last left a permanent job in 2004. I just packed the old one in and turned to temping as an alternative. She is right try and dissuade me against trying that rash course of action again (even when she does say it in a read between the lines kind of way.). She doesn't need to say that out loud anyway, I had believe it or not, noticed the economic downturn. I do know things aren't great for temps and I don't think I'd go down that road again. After all, that road led here.

Anyway think positive. I will look for that new job and I will find it. Even if it means a bit less cash, I'll find the job that makes me smile again...

Sooner or later... with or without a recession on.

Sunday

* I forgot to say in the previous post that the ingredients of our late night punch, the Clapham Sangria were red wine, vodka, Robinsons peach squash and water. I took a picture of the ingredients, but I'm not sure it needs posting.

It wasn't that bad as it goes, but I'd recommend that anyone making late night punch feel free to include any ingredients of their choosing. Imagine you are 15 again and raiding a badly stocked drinks cabinet for anything you can lay your hands on. You may be pleasantly surprised by the results. You may not be, but at two in the morning when you are due for a hangover anyway, what have you got to lose?

I am off to Brighton today. On an Oggie Day out. I'm going via my parents and we are all visiting my brother Gary, his girlfriend Andie and my beautiful niece Mia Poppy. It looks like we might have a nice day for it.

Ice Creams

That last post was Mornington. I was sitting here staring at a blank blog box and she leapt across the laptop typing ./ and hitting publish all in one go. I think she might have been suggesting: "Just type anything bitch. It ain't rocket science so get cracking with it." I think that is what she was saying. comments welcome though. 

Anyway, She better know herself. I don't take that kind of crap from no kittie. 

I saw a man appear from behind a giant ice cream cone while walking home today. I was distracted, not looking forward, looking sideways at some fascinating lino samples outside a flooring shop. You know the lino that looks like wood. Wow!! As I looked up, there was the ice cream cone with a man just appearing out from behind it. I was simultaneously glad I'd looked up before walking into said ice cream and amused at perspective's happy little trick into the bargain. Really he'd been walking towards me all along and I'd just not noticed him. I wish he'd done jazz hands as he appeared though.

I've never bought ice cream from that shop, but always had a distant fondness for the big fiberglass tasty looking pretend ice cream cone. I like it more now.

It was comic relief last night.  I went to the boozer. It was comic relief in the boozer too, but with less input from Lenny Henry and more of a meat raffle focus.

My favourite parts were:

The booze

Supporting a good cause, thats what its all about though, ya?

The booze

The cheese and champagne prize winners party after the pub.

The Clapham Sangria.*

Mornington missed her weight watchers appointment today. Yes kitty fat. Kitty on a diet! Anyway I couldn't be arsed to take her to the vet for her weigh in. She hates all that, so it is a bit too much stress just to find out she's only lost some stupid amount or none at all. I might get her a treadmill though.

I do have to find out what is wrong with Roger's tail later and how to treat it, as its all blood streaked and Roger generally isn't himself either. Thats for later though. Its DVD time for now.

./

Careful there...

Who writes blogs at half past midnight with a topnotch day ahead in Milton Keynes tomorrow/today? 

Who knows? 

I do apparently, even with several pints of lager coursing through my veins. 

Just had to quickly report on the last few days. 

A few days went by...

Who knew? Its a shock to us all.

On Saturday, I did a lot of mooching around the flat, (0h yeah, arsing around with blogs.) before I went to a party for my comedy buddy - Peter's - Landlady Mads' birthday.... who? well yes was good night out and I'll explain who people are when I'm writing after less booze. 

On Sunday, I got a special delivery to take me by motor cycle courier from Peter's place to London Zoo. I'm liking the motorbike way... yes, cool. At zoo, everything as per usual, but saw a one day old baby squirrel monkey. plus I was inside when the heavens opened, so not a bad zoo day...

On Monday, my current boss saw an email from me to my ex boss (now left our organisation,)  saying how I wish I could get a new job. Thankfully current boss seems fairly understanding about my diminishing interest in my current role, but the hour long chat about my future was still embarrassing. 

This afternoon, in an ironic twist of fate, after disclosing my general employment dissatisfaction to my line manager only yesterday, I got more work to do. Is that irony or justice? Anyway for the evening's pass times...I went to the Comedy Car Crash at the Lion's Den. I was on first, but then that was Tyrone's prediction. All that, not before seeing my Personal Trainer of course. A good Tuesday night out. I didn't cry at either. (Comedy or PT).

Too tired/boozed up for better writing or jokes. Sorry all 2 followers. love you all, JO x

Apparently people like a nice simple NHS waiting list gag. I could come up with more of those. hey, maybe I'll go topical. . . ?

Getting Started.

Wow. Check me out -  I'm blogging. As the Title suggests: Better Late than Never...

Years ago, I heard rumours that some people blogged. Not for me. I've been too busy stroking the cat and swooning over The Mighty Boosh. 

Now I'm moving in more "creative circles". Ha, that sounds bold (arsey even) and I'm not implying the Boosh boys ain't creative. No no no. Thing is, I've been told in no uncertain terms blogging is an essential way to keep my creativity cranked up. 

We'll see! I've never felt the need to crank my creativity, but here goes...

As a brief introduction - for information purposes rather than having any particular creative value:

• I'm Jo. 
  
• I live in London with my cats; Mornington and Lucy. More about them later. Or not. They do cat stuff, as expected. Sometimes they do cat stuff that might not be expected.
  
• I also have a fish tank with ten li'l fishies (at last count.) The boss fish is Roger, a goldfish.  Don't underestimate Roger because of his modest heritage. He's lush.
  
• I 'work' in Local Government. Work might be an overstatement, but I regularly go to an office they lease. 
• In the last six months I've started meddling in stand up comedy - hence the need to deposit my random thoughts somewhere.
  
• I do other stuff too. I've got family, friends, hobbies and all that loveliness, I'm sure they'll crop up as and when required. 

I'm worn out now, so I shan't go on. The fact I got logged in and set up is a miracle. Lets not over egg the omelette. I'm off to drink coffee and eat something tasty, but not omelette. 

Oh yeah, I like lists, so if you don't I might get on your wick pretty quick. Oooh, I did a rhyme! I also like () brackets and ... ellipses, but hey who doesn't?

OK I'm done.