CRUSH STUDY

I agreed to take part in a 'scientific' study for a report on relationships. Here is a summary of the findings.

The study examined a range of encounters recalled and recounted by myself - with 238 male friends, colleagues and other acquaintances I had met through the years.

Of those encounters, I formed crushes on 232 of the men. (6 were relatives).

The study found that it takes me on average 3 minutes and 48 seconds to form a crush from the time of being introduced to a man. Then, depending on the severity of the crush, it can take me anything from seven weeks, to thirteen years to fully recover.

The study found that 97 % of my crushes have remained entirely unrequited and led only to my shame and humiliation.

65% of those men, turned out to be gay and a further 12% "went gay" out of sheer panic when faced with the horrors of my advances.

Of the 3% of crushes that have led to romantic scenarios (not including those scenarios imagined by me - these were real snogs, and even a couple of leg overs), there has ultimately been one outcome, common to all scenarios: Tears. Mine.

Conclusions of the Study - I'm an idiot, who forms inappropriate crushes, but cannot sustain genuine loving relationships.

Ho Hum. Thank You Science.

Oh, I had to go to the solicitors yesterday to sign all the bits and bobs connected with the move... (and no... still no exchange or completion dates confirrmed.) Anyway, there I was at the solicitors and wasn't Mr Bentley the most delicious solicitor ever!? I shall call him Beebee. (as in Bob Bentley) Mmmmm. Beebee. I heart you. I saw the way you looked at me as you explained my lease extension...

Author's note - This idea still needs work, but I think there is some humour in there somewhere....