GIG REPORTS - YOU LOVE THEM YOU SLAGS!

Yes, I've been taking the sperm story out to the people... Gig 83 and 84 took place in Derby and London respectively...

I do worry that I'll get myself a reputation, talking publicly about sperm, but maybe that isn't such a bad thing. Who doesn't love a cum guzzler?* Oh goodness no. Am I just making this worse? Things are really getting out of hand now. It could take me weeks, no months, years even to rebuild my flawless 'pure as the driven snow' reputation. I'm sorry if I have caused unnecessary offence.

*Mum (and all other family members) I do hope you aren't reading this and I don't want you to think of me that way. It couldn't be further from the truth and is all based on a simple misunderstanding...

Oh Gosh, Moving Swiftly on...

I've had two lovely gigs this week. Norm, Giada Garofalo and I went up to Derby on Monday. My fourth ever Spikey Mike Gong Show and as I'd been gonged off at three minutes and two minutes respectively at the last couple, I didn't hold out much hope of surviving the five on Monday. Well - I surprised everyone including myself, by having a lovely old time and surviving the gong to do an entire five minutes. It doesn't sound much, but it means something to me, so there.

Giada and I had this quite tricky moment where we got stuck at the bottom of the stairs as a load of audience were coming down at the last interval of the night and it looked just like we were there to lap up praise... We weren't - honest. Just as well we were there - as it happened one passing audience actually high fived me and said - "oooooh we loved you, I said to my mate, she is just like us." Her mate looked a little non plussed by all this. Anyway, they looked like a lovely couple of girls. They had, how to best say this? They had a very friendly easy to get along with air about them (slags) and I was delighted to be considered one of their own... Well I was delighted that they liked my set.

Unfortunately Giada and Norm both got gonged off at three and a half minutes, but that is how it goes sometimes. I know from experience that it can be a bit disheartening, but neither of them seemed too troubled by it and overall it was a nice night out and another Road Trip Win.

Last night was gig 84. Desperately Seeking Stagetime. I've been to this gig a lot lately and rate it as one of my favourite open mic nights. There was a bit of a problem last night as quite a few audience and comics left early. It started all nice and busy and by the time I went on (second to last) ... It had emptied right out. Anyway, one must plough on... They know who they are... The leave early snides...

Last night, there was a huge picture of a Dog Trust dog and acts were encouraged to come up with a dog joke. I'm not really one for jokes, (tricky as a comedian) but I did want to talk about the dog because you could see her nipples. She had obviously had pups at some stage...

Bearing in mind I was a bit drunk I said something far more slurred and much less concise, but along the lines of - "I feel really bad for her. Look at her little sad face. Just because she has saggy nipples, doesn't mean she won't make someone a loving companion. - hmmmm, I might put that on my OKCupid profile."

It is a shame that was probably one of those one off never again comedy moments, because I could eek out a good few minutes about how the little doggy had been around the block and what else she and me might have in common.

On last was Adam Larter. I like him, he is very funny. It was his doggy picture too...

I got my performance recorded on my snazzy new video recorder... but may choose not to post it up here or on youtube. I haven't even had the courage to look at the recording yet and it may not help with the whole spermgate situation...

Need another POV on the gigs described here? Try 'Norm' from my 'friends who blog' section. A hyperlink here in the text? That would be handy wouldn't it. No, don't want to.

The skinny jeans are going ok thanks. They do take some getting used to.

The dating is a mixed bag and my most profound apologies for not updating you better on that front. I know you all got excited when I kicked that off. I just can't be bothered to explain it all if truth be told. Oh, I feel bad now for not sharing. Or do I? Nah, not really.

Oh, I booked a gig for the day of my birthday too... It will be a "Get Happy" Birthday on the 7th July this year. Lovely, lovely, lovely... Be there or be square...

Do you follow me on Twitter? Would you like to? To be fair, it is a lot of very similar stuff to this, but in bite size easy to digest niblets - my username is Oggers76 and you don't get the full url or link for that either.

Cheers x