Crabs

Last night after three bottles of wine between two, it seemed as good a time as any to see if I could still do the crab - or as some call it the bridge.

Everyone can do a bridge - yeah so what? My claim to fame being that some time ago, in my more flexible youth - I could get to crab from standing and back up again, fairly effortlessly...

My 'friend' Becki, a trained first aider who you might have hoped would know better, cheered me on as I lent back as far as I could, dropped my arms back and as most of my joints creaked into life, I plonked down into what was, to be fair, a resplendent crab position. Even though, I was sozzled and I was in it, I have to say I bet it was magnificent. Nay, I know it was magnificent!

Once down there though, the prospect of getting straight back up to standing by will power alone was hampered by the fact that the open door that I could see behind me in an upside down way, was swaying somewhat. Everything I could see, had strangely started to do upsidey downy swaying.... Yeah, stuff was definitely swaying, that can't be right!!

I think for that first attempt, I chickened out and I just collapsed onto the floor, before getting up via a more traditional route, using knees and or elbows, but I would not be beaten....

Back down I went, yep everything is still swaying, really swaying a lot, bettter get up quick before this all gets too much... and I mustered all my hip strength and back strength and whatever strength it is that allows you to do that and up I went... woohoo, I'm up, I'm up, sh!t sh!t - I'm still moving forward really fast and now I'm tubbling round the coffee table and hurtling head first toward the fish tank...what the f*ck is happening here?? Aaaaaaaargh - Thankfully my head came safely to rest on the arm of the sofa.... No harm done.

You could see the relief in little Roger's eyes as he peered out of his tank and I think Didger did a little poo of relief.

As we used to say in the West Country... Laugh? We laughed our ruddy 'eads off...

I think I should try that again, says I...

Yeah, says Becki, You've nearly got that...

The third attempt wasn't nearly as much fun. I went down, I came up, I tumbled forward, this time towards the TV, but the tumble was minor really. All in all there was the glimmer of what could be gymnastic potential in that last crab trick and no one needs that as the end to a story.

We also learnt that Sproglet can do the crab too, but she needs to work on her getting up and down technique... It isn't nearly dangerous enough.

When we have a 100 ft garden, we are going to start tumbling classes. Come, they'll be amazing!