Saturday, 27 February 2010
No Cupid, that really isn't OK.
Thursday, 25 February 2010
Laser update
Saturday, 20 February 2010
One weekend: One trip to the vets, one day at the zoo and one death in the family
9.30 a.m. was a bit of an early appointment, but I thought it would get me up and about. Of course I overslept. I rang the veterinary surgery to apologise. They were very kind and able to fit us in an hour later.
I got the two kitty travel boxes out on Friday night, because they need setting up early to dupe Mornington that they do not represent any threat. And sure enough, when the time came, all went smoothly in getting the kitties into the boxes. Mornington was not amused at being so easily duped and cried indignantly all the way to the surgery.
With two kitties to get checked and vaccinated, I thought I'd get Mornington's shame out of the way first as she is the overweight dandruffy one and I knew the vet would take one look at her and think to herself bad owner, get the RSPCA on the phone now.
To my chagrin, Mornington had put on 600 grams since her last weight check in August. She weighed in at a hefty 5.8 kilograms. To add insult to injury, I was told that if she sometimes has a tendency to wipe her botty on the floor and get dandruff, these are both linked to the weight issues too. It is possible she can't comfortably reach her botty to clean it in the traditional way (?) and fatties are renowned for their 'druff too! And it is all my fault. I hate myself!
I'd like to explain that the kitties only ever eat dry food, Iams or Purina One. I choose the low fat or senior varieties when they are in stock at the supermarket, which they are not always. It seems this is not good enough. Mornington is always destined to be a chubster without me continually carefully weighing portions and monitoring her diet much more closely and the vet gave me a choice. Keep her on a proper low fat diet (Hill's) - forever if need be - or watch her develop diabetes.
In terms of increasing Mornington's activity levels, the vet recommended a laser pen for the kitties to chase. She said you can sit on the sofa and shine the pen for them to chase. Was she trying to imply I can not be persuaded to get up and move about with the kitties? Offended? Yes, I was, although having said that, the first thing I did when I got home was order a laser pen! Aces, I'm still waiting for it to arrive in the post...
Back at the vets, I promised to encourage MC to play lots more and get her back on the Hill's r/d diet food straight away and so it was Lucy's turn.
Lucy doesn't like going to the vets, but no one got mauled on this occasion. Apart from a little bit of tartar, she is in good health and a healthy weight.
Yay me, 50% pet care success rate! Hmmm, no ok, not great.
2 health checks + 2 vaccinations + 2 cats wormed + 3 months supply of flea treatment for both cats + 7 kilos of Hill's r/d (I don't want to run out and have to feed them any old food.) + 1 bag cat nip + 1 cat nip cushion + VAT = £213. *gulps*. Thank heavens it is only once a year and fingers crossed I can get MC's weight back under control...
I spent Sunday at the zoo. The lion cubs are getting so big now. I still love them very much, even if that love is from a distance. Everywhere I went as part of my duties, volunteers were over subscribed at that particular location. Twice, I excused myself from said over crowded duty and flitted between places, enjoying a good old mooch about the zoo.
We ended the day with ferret handling, which is always fun. I do like a ferret! It was cold and damp though, so we cut the activity short, got the ferrets safely home before four pm and retreated to the pub. Becki Sprogs had come to join us for a few drinkies. There was quite a little group of volunteers and Becki. Our red jumpers getting us noticed by the locals...I had taken the rather radical decision of driving that day. I had two pints of weak lager shandy and jolly nice they were too. There were quite a few of us who had driven or had to be elsewhere by a certain hour, so it wasn't the usual drunken debauchery we have come to expect from post zoo drink ups.
After dropping Becki home, I got home myself not too late, around 8 or so, and had a missed call on my phone from my Mum. Her voicemail message said "Please give me a call when you get this message, but not from the pub please." Asking me not to return the call from the pub, wasn't Mum just getting at me for always being in the pub, she means she has something important (bad) to tell me.
She was blatantly referring to the time a few years ago, I spoke to her from the pub and she had to tell me that they'd had my other cat put to sleep. (my beautiful Birman Milly, whom I'd had since I was a teenager) I didn't take that news very seriously, not realising how upsetting it was for them. I knew they liked and cared for the cat, but also knew they were forever fed up with her for shedding hair everywhere and continually puking on the kitchen floor. I jokingly asked if they were going to get a puppy, now the cat was gone. In actual fact, although I'd moved away, Milly had remained a part of their little family unit, Mum, Dad and Milly. The decision to put her out of her suffering had not come easy to my Dad and they were very sad to see her go. I still get the pee taken out of me for my lack of sensitivity at that time.
On Sunday, when I got the voicemail, I was suddenly grateful I'd decided to drive to the zoo that day and glad to be home and sober and able to return Mum's call. Mum told me that my Nan had died that evening and told me a little bit about the events of the weekend that had led up to it. I won't go into detail, only to say that Nan was 90 years old, suffered from dementia and had been in and out of hospital for the last two months. She had a fall at New Year and had to have a broken hip replaced. Earlier this month, she had been admitted with kidney failure resulting in a five day stay in hopsital, while she was rehydrated. She had been back in the nursing home two weeks, but during the course of Saturday she had not been well, refusing food and drink. On Sunday, she had passed away peacefully.
I spoke to my Dad too (it was his Mum). He was quite choked up and that was upsetting to hear. I'm sad, more so for him. I wasn't incredibly close to my Nan. Over the past few years, I would only see her once or twice a year at most. My Dad would visit her every few days, but I only really saw her at Christmas or maybe on her birthday.
I have to go back quite a few years for memories of Nan before dementia. When I was a kiddy she and Granddad lived in a bungalow near Chislehurst Caves. They had a big gold fish pond and a big old garden that we kids would run around. I remember the stupidest things like Nan's orange squash was usually out of date and she over cooked and over salted all the vegetables she made us. Classic Nan stuff... She had been my last remaining grand parent, so it is a bit odd really... the passing of a generation. Nan's funeral isn't until the 15th March due to a cremation backlog in the borough of Bromley...
Speaking to my Dad yesterday, he was saying how it was 12 years since his Dad had died and 10 years before that since his Dad had fallen ill after his first stroke. So we say, ah Nan lived to 90 - she had a good life. She did have a good life, but even so, the last 22 years were tinged with sadness as she lived as a carer for my Granddad, then after he died, she had to get used to life on her own. Eventually dementia got the better of her and she had to adjust to life in a residential home. Old age certainly does seem to suck... Remind me again, why I'm trying to quit smoking...
Oh dear, sorry, I am limping off at some very miserable tangents. What else has been happening?
I put half a pound on at WW this week. Arse. I've only lost 5lb since I started, which feels like weeks and weeks and weeks ago. I am going to have to suck everything in for those photos at the weekend! A valuable lesson can be learnt from the past two weeks: If following an eating plan for weight loss, you do need to actually follow said plan for it to work, not just grumble about the fact you should be sticking to a plan, while munching chocolate topped shortbread, crisps and maltesers... oh and drinking booze and ordering take aways.
Actually I didn't drink as much as usual or eat any take away food last week, but clearly saw that as a green light to snuffle any unsuspecting cakes or biscuits that happened to cross my path! Oh, I've just stumbled... and curses, I've stumbled into Percy Ingles... I must try harder and do better this week. At least Mornington is suffering too. We can snuggle up together on the sofa, with the telly up loud, to drown out the sound of our rumbling tummies.
No comedy since last Wednesday. I really need to sort my comedy diary out as it is empty and bleak for the next few months. Hmpf.
Flat viewings continue, but I am not yet under offer. One of these days.... one of these days.
I am thinking of re-joining Match.com. I've seen adverts: They have a new Match IM coming soon. Talk me out of it ... please.
OK, I have some Personal Budget data to stare at. Important council stuff innit!! Actually someone just suggested it might be tea time, but I'm sure I'll stare at the PB data after that...
Laterz.
In Loving Memory, Joy Ogden, 1919 - 2010
A bit of a favour... Please.
Thoughts
Hey up chicken, what you been up to?
I’ve been having a little thinky.
Cripes, you whisper to yourself it is a dangerous day when Oggers has a thought (or two in this case). Well probably not, but let's just wait and see shall we...
Thought number 1.
Maybe I was never really addicted to cigarettes. Maybe I was just addicted to the cigarette counter in the supermarket. I’ve been buying lucky dips for all the lotto draws, midweek, Euromillions and Saturday draws ever since I stopped smoking over four weeks ago. I don’t play lotto online like I used to. No, I go to the shop. I don’t think this is just coincidence. I think I’m hooked on the cigarette counter experience.
I'm still not a millionaire, but I think I'm marginally better off than on the fags. If I win the lottery, do I get to start smoking again?
Thought number 2.
For the life of me I can’t remember what the other thought was. Don’t worry it will come to me at some stage.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Gig update. Preparation, preparation. Meh.
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
Gigs 73, 74, 75 and 76 …
The night plays on my mind, not because I didn’t even muster five minutes of material, but because by the time I left the venue, I found myself very staggery drunk and not sure how to get home. Well, I know the way home, but almost immediately after leaving the venue, I fell over (not sure how many fellow comics may have witnessed that)… grazed my hand and obviously got myself all shook up.
I got a bus to Seven Sisters, where I found the tube was not open and I was not at all sure what bus I’d need, or if indeed there are any that could take me directly back to Walthamstow. Whilst I wobbled about and tried to focus on the night bus map, I got approached by some guy. I don’t remember what exactly he said or did, but he managed to scare me and feeling like everything was getting out of control, I did what any self respecting drunk would do and started sobbing.
Somehow, I had enough sense left to abandon all hope of finding a bus and instead telephoned my local cab company. Yes, still sobbing. The bus stop man was still lurking around and the guy in the cab office was sweet enough to stay on the line while I waited for the cab to turn up.
The cab thankfully didn’t take too long at all to arrive and I was soon home safe and sound.
So: I don’t know if anyone saw me fall over near the venue. I don’t know what this guy did to freak me out, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and just say he tried to chat up the wrong person, a woman already on the brink of a drunken emotional outburst anyway.
The night as a whole has been quite sobering food for thought as I know when I go out drinking, stay out late and try to get home alone, I’m already putting myself in danger. I KNOW that, but I tend to ignore it. I laugh in the face of danger. I think I’m a bit street wise and can handle oddballs and think that even if I’m drunk, I can still take care of myself. I’m not about to put myself under house arrest or stop having fun, because I’ll be honest, I’d die of boredom sooner than I’d ever die of a drunken mishap.
However… I was lucky last Tuesday not to have had my drunken fall in front of a moving vehicle. I was lucky that I’m just a bit embarrassed about crying at a cab controller over a weirdo at a bus stop and not crying in hospital about an actual attack by someone nastier or more persistent. I shouldn’t let myself lose control like that and it might just be the shock I needed.
I did drink a hell of a lot last Tuesday. I need to remember that is one thing when I’m travelling home with Becki or I’m not half starved because of Weight Watchers and taking prescription drugs to quit smoking that could worsen the effects of alcohol. I generally need to be more careful and maybe even drink a bit less. Just a bit less.
Gig 74 was The Leicester – Should I Stay or Should I go Gong. My buddy Norm has written about it. His link is to the side of this page.
Norm was kind enough not to mention how I got gonged off only 2 minutes into my set. Perhaps this should be called gig 73.5. As yet, the counting of gigs has not been reduced down to the counting of minutes on stage, so I hope you’ll let me off that one.
I learnt a hell of a lot on Sunday and to that end, I think we can say it still counts.
Not a gig, but on Sunday afternoon, I was lucky enough to hear Adam Bloom talk to a class of new comedy school students. I haven’t gone back to school yet, but was invited in for that session. It was ace. He was very inspiring.
Back in the saddle for Gig 75. I went to the Lion’s Den last night. We could dig over the old debate and controversy of pay to play, but I enjoyed the night. I paid my four pounds and I had fun. Now, I’m not one to judge other acts, but there is quite a broad mix of quality at the Den *ahem* - not all of it good. People have to have somewhere to learn and it is a pretty safe environment there to do so… Acts know what they are getting and so do the punters. No one gets hurt.
I went on about mid way through the second of three sections. Not too early, not too late, but when I went on, the few acts before me had struggled, people talking at the bar were getting hushed and the energy in the room wasn’t fantastic. Perhaps that just made me think, oh well, it might not be pretty, but I may as well say what I’m here to say. I wanted to try out some new ideas before today.
To be honest, I lasted until I got my little light shining and I think people were enjoying it. I was enjoying trying out some new stuff.
A success!?
I’m leaving now for gig 76. I was offered a headline spot at my local new act night – Glee 17, but it seems I’m now sharing said headline and I didn’t quite make into any publicity other than the facebook invite... I’ll propose he still allows me a ten spot, offer to do it to close the first half and have a few more pints there after.
Even I can stagger home from there and if I play my cards right, I might even have a Sproglet with me…
Thursday, 11 February 2010
Terrible things you shouldn’t say when someone dies.
This is obviously very sad for his family. I was shocked and upset. I can’t imagine what they are going through. He was only a few years older than me.
I was talking about this with my team mates earlier as I’ve been invited to the funeral and I’m trying to decide if I should go or not.
This afternoon, I got a completely unrelated facebook friend request from someone on the comedy circuit and I said to my colleague. “Ah, I just got a new friend request. Well, you win some you lose some.”
My colleague laughed and so did I, but now I feel pretty terrible.
RIP Jeremy.
Lost and Found
If you should find any of the following items, please could you return them to me as soon as possible?
1. My ability to drink copious amounts of alcohol without turning into a sobbing idiot.
2. My twenties. Yeah, where did they go?
3. My happy go lucky outlook on things, oh no, sorry that must have belonged to someone else.
4. The funny bits of my comedy set.
5. Anything vaguely resembling a sex life.
6. Pages 1 to 32 of my A to Z. (It fell apart and I seem to only have maps of South and West London left. Who even goes there?)
7. My Moschops t-Shirt. Admittedly, this has been missing about 25 years, but by Christ, I loved that t-shirt.
Yes, so please do let me know if you should stumble across any of these things...Thanks x
Sunday, 7 February 2010
Sunday is a day of rest, so I'll make this quick.
- gig 72 was smashing cheers, lovely feedback and yeah, 3 gigs 'pencilled' in for the next 7 days, so we'll see if I make it to all of those/do any good.
- I lost 4.5 lbs on WW in 2 weeks (not expecting much from this week)
- I haven't smoked in over 2 weeks while I've been about it.
- Knitting is slow to say the least. (That must be what happens when you are knitting for yourself. I do remember the last and only scarf I made for myself took 3+ years... This one is about 3 weeks, but still miles off.)
- Work is as always...
- Still lonely and grumpy, but see above for all the stuff I'm doing to keep the badness at bay. you know, playing the lottery and letting friends take comedy photos of my feline friends.
- I said I'd write about the Estate Agents. You wouldn't effing believe it if I did.
- Oh yeah, my Nan got sick. She is very old, but hopefully ok for now...