Saint Nicholas and Saint John walk into a bar...

Everyone else is blogging their little hearts out. Well, Norm and Becki are and they are the ones I read most. I just don't seem to care for it at the moment. No one will notice, I surmised... When the time comes, I'll get back on the blog horse, I thought. It'll be ok...

But no - Becki has ordered me to blog. She said it quite loudly. "BLOG" she said.

So here goes. If you don't like it, don't blame me!

In terms of news updates, funny snippits of my latest carry ons or jolly whimsy about recent world happenings.

No, I have nothing.

What I do have is a Christmas cough. My doctor has promptly prescribed a true treat for me in the shape of a five day course of that ever amusing atntibiotic - Amoxicillin. Watch this space for the New Year yeast infection to follow.*

I was overwhelmed (note mild sarcasm) at the joyful and plentiful responses to my early greetings for the season in last week's posting. I'll be frigged if I'm bothering repeating the sentiment this week.

Bah Humbug to you - one and all.

OK, I've just remembered one other thing I've been meaning to blog for a long time. My Christmas Gift to you all. You see, even in my darkest times, devoid of all festive cheer, I offer you something lovely... See, I'm not all bad.

Oh Yes. God Bless St John!

I have to get back to my knitting now. If you want to ask anyone about absent bloggage, ask Becki St John Sproglet where her scarf blog went. Ungrateful little blogging bully.

*Apologies for the earlier over share. (particularly to you Norm) It is a genuine possibility with penicillin though and besides, I couldn't resist a bit of festive fun meets seasonal ailment alliteration.

Snow

Did anyone else notice the snow? A lot like rain, but colder and more inconvenient.

Will it settle? Won't it Settle? Who knows. If it looks pretty for a day or so, that will be something to be thankful for. Pretty snow is ok.

I've not been blogging so much lately, what with all the knitting, but I'm sure you are a lot more interested in the weather, so I just thought I'd make a quick comment on that.

Christmas next week, so that is nice.

Another slice of Yule log anyone?

Take it easy and Season's Greetings. xx

Braces

Oh yeah! Braces came off last Wednesday. The process of getting all the metalwork, cement and glue off was pretty grim and uncomfortable. I've had a request for less detail in the blogs, but just to say it involved a pretty intense industrial sander type machine!

Ah sod it, (sorry Norm) it was so horrible, the orthodontist asked me to do Charlie Chaplin and windscreen wiper impressions with my feet to try and distract me from the dental agony and to get me to relax my jaw. The tactic worked, but I felt like such a nerd for needing this kind of intervention. He probably saves that for frightened eleven year olds usually...

Teeth feel a little bit sensitive since then. They do look pretty good though.

You'll have to take my word for that as there is no photographic evidence as yet.

Conversation about a scarf

My bus got caught in traffic this morning and it made me later to work than usual (I am usually late), but today I was later than usual despite my best efforts and intentions of getting in on time, which seemed a little mean, karma wise...

So, when I was telling a colleague, David, about the one hour, twenty minute bus journey – usually fifty minutes to an hour tops – I did say – “well at least I got to do a bit of extra knitting.”

David said – “Did you? Let’s see the knitting then, how’s it going?”

As I unravelled the scarf from around the knitting needles holding my arms further and further up in the air and the scarf still reaching the floor…

David asked - “Surely, that is finished?”

I said “but I’m trying to use up the ball of wool. I think it might be magic. It seems never ending.”

He said, “but that is getting out of control.”

“Well Becki said she wants to wrap it round and round, so I’m just going to keep going until the wool is finished. “

“Wrap it round what?” David joked.

“I don’t know”, I played along…”her waist? Maybe she is going to invent a whole new kind of wrap outfit.”

I showed him what remained on the ball of wool and explained, “it is less than it looks though, see it is quite squishy and hollow.” (the ball, still looks quite substantial, but is squishy and hollow now)

He gave the ball a squeeze and said yeah, “but there is probably another few feet there.” As I rolled the scarf back around the needles, he asked the question I’m coming to dread… “so when are you going to be knitting my scarf?”

I explained that Chris had already chosen his wool on Friday and there was at least one more to go after that. I also said I might need knitting respite at some point. David must have sensed the pressure and responsibility of my knitting waiting list (two is a list in my book) … He said he would be happy to put his order in for the 2010/11 winter season. I hope nobody else comes out of the woodwork that I have made passing scarf offers to. This new hobby is definitely testing my stamina.

Oh yeah, my Mother saw my latest scarf venture on Saturday too. She said – “Blimey, I’ve never known you apply yourself to anything like this before.”

I thought that was perhaps a little unnecessary!

Swim.

Why not check the latest on the Swim? It ends this week. Thank Heavens!

Crime Spree

Slowly but surely, the excitement of meeting Perry Fenwick on Wednesday did wear off. (Apologies for the epic blog about the meeting. What can I say? I'm sad and I was excited, it might be wrong, but I've been an off and on EastEnders viewer for as long as I can remember. I'm no maniac fan, but it was still exciting!!) Anyway, after the rush of mingling with the stars had worn off a little, on Thursday I was off to the Comedy School to do my five minute set and then a Q&A for the current students there. One of the students was Kate Garraway of GMTV fame. Two TV personalities in one week!? Oh yes, I've surely hit the big time!

She seemed nice enough, she asked me that old favourite 'how is it different being a woman doing comedy?' ... "Err, I only know how it is to be a woman doing comedy, never having been a man, but it seems ok so far. There are less girls on the open mic circuit, but still plenty of us ... I've heard there is a bottle neck when you get onto paid comedy bills, but you just got to do what you got to do."

Everything else at The Comedy School went nicely too including my set, which was sweet and tight. Keith said it was very good. I got to meet Manos The Greek and after the show I stayed for a quick chat with Keith, Cee, Mark and Debs.

When I left the comedy school, just after 10 pm, the first thing I noticed was that my car had no rear number plate. I checked the front - no front number plate either. I was certain (well hopeful), I'd have noticed this plate absence before I began my journey that evening, or at least when I'd glanced back at the car to see how badly I'd parked, and assumed it must have happened within the time I'd been at the Comedy School. I set off on my journey home feeling quite illegal.

It took about five minutes of the journey, before a police car started to tail me and I drove at my all time most careful, knowing that getting pulled over was inevitable, but hoping not to make matters any worse for myself by going through red lights or stopping at green lights as I sometimes do. The policeman waited until we got to a wider Camden Road, then sure as eggs is eggs, he began flashing his blue lights.

I pulled in, turned my engine off, wound down my window and did my best to look innocent. As he approached my car, I said 'I've been waiting for you to pull me over.' He said 'I couldn't do it on the narrow part of the road, I didn't want to cause an obstruction.' I said 'I've only just noticed that they've been stolen and I'm going to report it as soon as I get home.' That was pretty much that, he didn't question me any further on the matter and he said he just wanted to make sure I was aware of it or words to that effect and wished me well.

'What not even a frisk?' I wanted to scream. No, no frisk. He clearly didn't fancy that and didn't want to be troubled with the paperwork of it all, by taking more details...

I duly reported the theft when I got home. I rang a Camden police number, believing that to be where the crime had taken place. They take very basic details and promise a call back within 72 hours.

I was called up yesterday by a nice PC Weeks to get more details and have my crime number issued. During that conversation, I was made aware of the fact that a car like mine, bearing my registration number had been reported, on Wednesday 25th November, driving away from a petrol station in Waltham Forest without paying for fuel. Shock on. I had in fact dozily got into my car on Thursday and driven to Camden oblivious to the missing plates. PC Weeks understood. He said it took him three days to notice his were missing once. This is an officer of the law! Keeping us safe and being observant etc... Well that made me feel a bit better. About my doziness rather than about PC Weeks and his policing skills.

So - If Waltham Forest police do contact me to discuss the petrol theft, imagine what a lunatic I will sound when asked where I was on Wednesday. 'It can't have been me Gov, I was down the boozer with Billy Mitchell, you can ask him yourself.' Yes, that will definitely go down well. Besides which, those Mitchells have been involved in all sorts of dodgy deals over the years. I'm sure they are not the most reliable of characters to mention in one's alibi.

So my number plates are out and about enjoying a crime spree, while I'm at home blogging and knitting. Maybe I'll take my own unmarked car out for a joy ride. Maybe not, the washing up needs doing and I need to go swimming later.

Take care peeps and next time you take your vehicle out for a drive, have a glance to see if you've still got your number plates or not. You never know...

Glee 17: Opening Night and Meeting a Mitchell

A new night for new acts set up in The Stow? This was not to be missed!!

Or maybe it was going to be missed. I got out of work later than planned and headed to the bus stop. bla bla... bus issues... bla bla, late late. Oh poop...(See I'm trying not to go over board on the detail.) Anyway, I was cutting it fine to get to the pub in time to sign up for the night and Becki asked me if it was still worth going. Yeah, yeah... I'll be there by 7.15... I'll have a Guinness please :)

When we got to the pub, we got drinks and went to have a look at the upstairs room where the comedy was happening. The room seemed like a good layout for the comedy purposes, but there were only eight or nine people in it and the organiser pointed out they were ALL acts. It looked like Sprog might be the only audience. She is familiar with that arrangement, but as it turned out later on we needn't have worried, plenty more peoples showed up. It was, when the time came - a really nice crowd.

In the meantime, we went back downstairs to wait there for the show to start, rather than stay and attempt to mingle with all the nervous distracted comic types. Back downstairs, Billy Mitchell was in the pub. I'm like 'oh look Billy Mitchell is in the pub.' Well actually, I was giddy with excitement. Updated my Twitter and the lot. We found a table, where I positioned myself with my back firmly to Billy, because I can't be trusted not to stare and we both busily tweeted/texted loved ones about Billy's presence.

Linda arrived. (Linda is one of Sproggle's work buddies) She wasn't staying, she was a bit p!ssed already and heading home for cheese on toast. Oh ok, maybe she would just stay for a little lemonade. Woohoo. This night was working out quite nicely.

As the start of the show neared, Billy and his friends got up and headed upstairs. No Effing Way! Billy Mitchell was coming to see me do comedy! hee hee. I'll be best mates with Babs Windsor before I know it. We can share grumbles about the plight of the larger chested lady. Was I getting ahead of myself?

If I'm honest, this comedy show needs a bit of work. It is so cool to have this happening on my doorstep. The Stow can get a bit forgotten as far as comedy opportunities go. They had a good crowd in and it is a great room for comedy, the organisers were very friendly and welcoming. They just need to polish up on the format a bit and possibly get a few more established new acts along as well as the first timers who had volunteered. Although more power to first timers' elbows...

Thing is, some of the acts didn't seem to realise that the idea of new acts night was to try out your OWN material. I think a bit of guidance in that department may help, because not everyone knows that kind of comedy etiquette. For some it was really was their first ever gig and with all the will in the world, that does show, but all comedy nights need to start somewhere and so do all comedians.

I was lucky enough to ease myself into comedy from the safety and security of a comedy school setting. If you haven't had that back up, I guess there is a temptation to get on and do the jokes you've seen work for your favourite comics. I guess not many of them will be reading this, but I've no doubt someone will put them straight in time. Let's hope it isn't Harry Hill/*insert other famous comic here*'s lawyer that lets them know

So - I'm not just saying this, I'm saying it because other people said it. I was the best act in the first half. As it turned out, I was also the best act of the night, (people said that too) but by the interval, we only had the first half to judge by. It was and it wasn't a personal triumph. My material was hazy in my mind tank, not having had a read through before, but I got laughs even through the bits that were muddled. There was quite a bit of ad-libbing, which thank heavens did got laughs as well. I lost my voice a few times and had to have a quick coughage, but over all it went nicely and even Sproggles said it was one of my best times.

I should be able to remember the blinking set though and being the best act on a night where some of the other acts don't even understand the concept of open mic comedy is somewhat of a hollow victory. Is a victory hollow or shallow? Either way, it was still a victory. Beggars mustn't be choosers. Or something.

So, back to the interval and we go downstairs again. We are walking through the bar and Billy Mitchell makes eye contact and Billy Mitchell wants to talk to me and he does and he and his friends are all full of compliments and it was like MEGA ACE!! Turns out his name is Perry, because there was that weird bit where we all introduced ourselves and he obviously knew we knew his other name, but he was very nice about saying - I'm Perry... That cleared things up no end and saved embarrassments. I'm ashamed to say, I've forgotten the names of the other friends we were introduced to. One of his friends was a sign language interpreter though. Always handy to know one of those!!

Linda had already headed home for the cheese on toast, so she missed our star struck meeting!

We went up to watch the second half of the show during which Becki got to punch a fat man in the guts. (He was asking for it - no really - he was - it was part of his act.)

The comedy ended just after ten, because the promoter was allowing for the fact that Walthamstow isn't the easiest place to get in and out of, but actually when the comedy ended, most people headed back down to the bar for more delicious booze.

Becki and I weren't sure where to seat ourselves in order not to appear too stalky toward Perry and after a bit of to-ing and fro-ing, we ended up about a table or two away from him and were pretty much minding our own business, as he got hassled by quite a few different folks wanting to chat, get autographs and photos. We tried to cool it out and were determined not to make more obvious than required our wonderment at him being there... I totally didn't even ask if he could pass on my number to the hot new doctor on the Square. I didn't even ask that!

Then somehow on the way back from the loo or some old nonsense, I got caught up in a conversation with Perry and his pals, while they were chatting with the organisers of the evening and before we knew it, Sproggles and I had been invited to sit with Perry and his mates.

This was just MEGA MEGA ACE! I'm not sure they even asked the organiser to take a seat, just Sprogs and I. We mostly chatted about the night and how it was a great idea and it was nice to have that kind of event in Walthamstow and then had a bit of a rant and discussed how things could have been improved. I got more compliments, which I took with my usual charm - "Err, yeah, Ha - I'm not very good at compliments, but thank you..." *hides behind hands*. And there we were - Becki and I drinking and gossiping with an actor off the tele'.

I can just see me not too long from now - "So Babs, these big boobs - not all fun fun fun is it?" NO? Still too soon? Oh, whatever. A girl can dream.

Well they were lovely people and good company, so all in all, it was great to meet them.

After a while it was home time and Perry and his buddies bimbled off and Becki and I turned down the offer of an after show drink up around the organiser's house. Although, there was a general consensus that we'd be back for more Glee 17 action on 20th January next year!

We had places to go and people to see, don't you know. OK, so actually, Becki and I came back to the flat and had Dominos again. Why oh why? we just can't stay away from that place! We have WFC now. What are we doing with those Dominos nerds? I'm sorry WFC. We'll be back soon :)

Brace Yourself: I’m Still Writing About Knitting.

Oh and braces – get it – brace yourself. I really must stop explaining my punlicious post titles…

Anyway… BRACES

Next week on Wednesday 2nd December 2009, I have my next appointment at the orthodontist and I am having my fixed braces removed. This will be just ten days short of two years after the date they were fitted. The original report quoted the treatment would take two years and in my ever optimistic naivety, I thought that was just to manage expectations and it would never take that long.

The orthodontist has pretty much admitted defeat on a number of things he was trying to fix. My bite is still slightly out of line and I still have two quite hefty gaps in my back teeth where adult teeth are missing and the jawbone proved too insubstantial to drag the very back teeth into the gaps.

This dental defeat is a bit of a disappointing end to two years work. BUT, the reason I got the braces was to correct some very peculiar and noticeable issues with my canine teeth that are now correct, so I need to remember that. Good has come of the exercise. It seems that to correct the bite and the other gaps could involve extractions/crowns and a lot more corrective work that I’m not happy about getting involved with. I’ve served my time as far as I can tell and got most of what I wanted out of it all... So, decision is made and as of next Wednesday – my braces will be gone!

Yesterday, as the first stage in preparation for this austere occasion, I went to the orthodontist to get bonded retainers fitted. I gather these can take various forms, but mine are in the form of two tiny gold chains glued to the back of twelve of my teeth (one tiny gold chain glued to the back of my six upper front teeth and one tiny gold chain glued to the back of the six lower front teeth).

It is designed to stop the teeth shifting into their old positions. I don’t understand how and it feels horrible. The chains, as I say, are tiny, but the glue feels very clumpy and odd. I must be used to having my mouth treated like a junkyard, because as horrid as it feels, I am getting used to it after less than a day. Just as well - this latest fixture is supposed to be permanent...Aaargh, the horror. All those times I got down in the dumps and whined that my orthodontic torture seemed like it would never end. Ha, it seems as if I was right and I do in fact have a lasting double gold chain souvenir… Thank You Mr Ash, Orthodontic Consultant, Whipp’s Cross Hospital.

So it is 8 days to brace-off. I will undoubtedly be using that as a fine excuse to get rat arsed. I’m wondering if I should have asked the orthodontist to chain the lot up, just leaving a little gap big enough for a straw for booze.

The following Wednesday, I pick up the gum shield retainers that I'll have to sleep in for the next year or so... (Yes, I get those too.) Not looking forward to that either, but hey ho.

The removal of my braces does leave a rather tragic gap in my comedy set. Perhaps it will be some sort of catalyst to me spending some time coming up with new material. Perhaps not. Watch this space.

KNITTING: See Sproglet’s Blog for very funny write up of our trip to the wool shop and how I learnt to cast on using youtube videos. Yes, I’ve started work on a scarf for her now and after only two and a bit days, it is already around 20 inches long. I am knitting on gas.

It has not escaped my notice that despite a few whisperings from the bo-ho chic circles saying that knitting was back as a cool hobby to have a few years ago, (around the time I started my other scarf…Hmmm) – yeah, even if one or two people did say it was meant to be cool in 2007, I am the only person doing it on the 56 bus in 2009 and I probably do look like a bit of a twat.

Rome was not built in a day. I know - I’ve been there! If I have to knit on the bus to get my Sproggles neck all warm and snuggly this side of Crimbo, then knit on the bus, I will. I'm sure I don't look that hot when I use bus journey time to snooze and drool all over the window, so knitting could be an improvement if anything.

Lovely. I need to go. Drinking in Stamford Hill again tonight... Will this "FUN" never end? I hope not!

My Scarf

I know I posted about the scarf already.

But I just have to say, I really love my scarf. Lots of different people have shown an interest in it. It is cosy and warm and it has made me feel refreshed about lots of different things.

It is something tangible that I made and I get to say "Look I did this."

Admittedly, the three year production timescale is a little bit of a shocker and I'm fairly sure there are much more time and cost effective ways of coming by scarves: at the shops for one! That doesn't seem to matter - seeing as for a while there, I thought it would never get finished and when I eventually put the hours in and now I have a smashing new scarf... Well to me it represents possibility!

Ha yeah Scarves = Possibility. Put that maths in your pipe and smoke it.

Becki says I need to be a little bit careful of getting addicted to knitting. She says she went there once and it gets to be a dark and lonely place after a while. She even says it can age you.

That was after she'd made me promise to knit her one. So we are off to the wool shop tomorrow.

Angels

I was in Marks and Spencer this morning.

The lady serving at the tills there saw me hovering with my basket and said quite loudly to me...

"Over here Angel"

She proceeded to call me Angel at least once more, maybe even twice during our brief exchange and all in all I was quite flattered by that.

I came back to the office and told my mate Chris this, he said 'patronising... patronising and common.' Chris has very high customer service standards!

The thing is and I told Chris this too... As I had walked away from the lady's till, I wondered if Angel was an appropriate way to address a customer and if she called everyone that. Either way, it made me feel nice and that was the important thing I supposed. Just as I was mulling all this over, the same checkout lady called across to another customer who was waiting.

"Over here Madam!"

I glanced across to the customer who had been addressed as Madam and she was probably only ten or fifteen years older than me.

Well, I'd rather be an Angel than a Madam any day and with that much, Chris was inclined to agree.

Back

I'm back.

I'm grumpy as hell about it. I will get over myself in due course... I just never adjust well to those first few days of normality...

Rome was great. I'll put some pics up soon, when I get around to getting them on to my poota.

Anyway, what a great city and also it was just lovely to hang out with Mum, Dad, Anutie Marion and Uncle Keithy.

OK, better go... Fings to do :)

My New Scarf and other bits about the week.

So I'm off tomorrow on my Italian mini break with my Mum and Dad. I'll be back on Wednesday night.

All it has been a pretty good week.

Gigs 59 and 60 were good. Well Party Piece (59) wasn't all that. My own fault: I jibber jabbered, which sometimes works. On Tuesday it didn't though. I just felt a bit guilty for being rubbish and copping out early. Having said that, there were not many audience there, so no point in getting too caught up in the guilt of it all.

Wednesday's Headway gig (60) at The Water Poets was amazing. Really lovely warm crowd. I got a lovely reception, good feedback after and managed to remember my words. I threw in a few happy ad libs that got laughs too. Some chick in the front (I think she was another comic actually from "The Silky Pair") coughed over my 'you can even give blowjobs' line, so I was worried the point was muffled, but I teased her about it and wondered what she was coughing on and that made it all funny again before the disclaimer ending...

After the gig I went drinking with the other comics including Duncan Oakley and Silky (no relation to The Silky Pair) Duncan and Silky have been going years and I felt all cheerful with myself for being out with the "big guns" (paid acts) and it was plain lovely as everyone had such a smashing time at the gig and after. We stayed out drinking until gone 2 in the morning.

Thursday was my last day at work until next Thursday. Ace!!

Friday was family fun day with lovely niecey in Brighton. Nan, Grandpa and Auntie JoJo took Mia to The Sealife Centre as the weather wasn't up to much. The Sealife Centre seemed quite cool. Not amazing or anything and we could only see what a child, who isn't even two yet, wanted us to see, so I'm not sure I made it to every nook and cranny, but overall the day was good. Mia has lots of new words and if you ask if she is ok? She says 'fine.' Even I have to admit that is cute!!

Today I hung around at my folks house. I was determined to finish knitting my scarf and finish knitting it I did... Oh yeah... Scarf pride...

I know you can't see the ends, but I promise it is all done! Only 3 years it took...After finishing the scarf. I went swimming (80 more lengths.) Then a quick stop at the shops on the way back home.

OK as important as I realise it is to keep you updated on my knitting and swimming progress, right now I really ought to be getting packed. Dad will be here to pick me up at 9 am tomorrow and I don't even think the washing has got dry properly yet.

Now where is that suitcase?

See you soon peeps xxx

Giving Myself A Pat On The Back

2 gigs down, 2 to go of my mini November Tour...

Saturday was fine. Nice little gig in Piccadilly Circus. And Sunday was well. Perhaps you should read This. I did say I was a tad nervous about the gig in High Wycombe.

If it tells us anything, it tells us what a fantastic friend I have in Becki.

Thanks love xxx

Acting like a girly.

Has anyone seen my plimsoles?

Of course you have. Anyone that has seem me, has seen my plimsoles and my jeans and my vast collection of tatty t-shirts and probably a hoody or a scruffy old cardi for good measure.

Well every now and again, I leave the plimsoles at home and I put on my girly shoes. In the past this has been rare, but it seems to be becoming a bit more regular. This week is of particular note. Not only did I leave my plimsoles at home, I left my jeans at home too. I didn't stumble out of the flat so drunk I went out in my jimjams. No...I wore a dress. Yes you read right, I wore a dress... Well not one dress, but two. Not two at the same time neither...

On two separate occasions this week I have worn a dress and tights and girly shoes: On Saturday I went to a really cool Halloween party and I wore a dress to the party. Not fancy dress a pretty dress. On Tuesday, I wore a smart dress to work, with fishnet tights too. How girly is that? Two dresses in one week!! AND Today I wore proper trousers and girl shoes AGAIN. What is happening to me? It is a marvel. It really is.

Thing is, I was out on Sunday after the zoo... jeans, plimsoles and a zoo shirt (for added class) and it was then that I got a bit of boy action. No dress, no heels required!

I'm liking the change towards the girliness, but I still like my plimsoles best and whatever anyone thinks, even girls in plimsoles can get kisses!

Please remember though, boys stink and kissing and all that should be treated with extreme caution.

A time for Industry

Yes, this is right! I said Industry!! I had better explain... before people start to think they are on the wrong bloggage.

Well - So good is my diary planning that in the space of five days, I will be doing four comedy gigs!? You could say my gigs are like buses. None for ages, then four come along at once. Well it hasn't been ages, but it has been a little while. You wouldn't want to wait for a bus for 10 days I guess...Then after this week, I could end up going another two weeks until I gig again as well. What a goon! Anyway, this is a very disorganised list of what and where they are. If any blog passer by was interested in attending, just shout me up and I'll get you proper details.

Tomorrow: What Am I funny Huh?, Queen's Head, Piccadilly Circus.

Sunday: LOL Show, High Wycombe (scariest of the four - Mr Cee of the Comedy School said "Bring your best stuff, they can get rowdy." He offered me a spot, but then threw in this advice after hearing my set, twice in a week!? I took it as a huge compliment to get the gig and he obviously must have enjoyed something, but does he think I have some secret funnies that I've not been sharing with the students at the Comedy School?)

Tuesday: Party Piece, Stamford Hill, (I've not got my name down, but I'm hoping that is a mere technicality. I will be there for the discount Guiness, performance or no performance...)

Wednesday: A gig for a brain injury charity called Headway in a pub called the Water Poets... Someone at work asked me if I was interested in doing it and I get to do ten minutes if I like, so that should be nice. I suppose I'll have to take the brain injury section out of my set though. It simply won't be the same!!

I wonder if this monumental run of comedy magic will make me or break me. If I live to see Thursday of next week without liver poisoning, I'm hoping I will at least have learnt a few comedy lessons. Plus I'll be polishing my "60" medal with glee :) There is a medal right? Norm mentions it so much, there has to be!? I'm hoping the gigs go well, I don't lose my job and I feel encouraged to do a few more gigs EVERY week, but let us not hold our breath for this spell of industry lasting, hey?? Let us not tempt that eggy basket of funny fate.

Oh and I'm still knitting my scarf... intermittently and I have an order for a new scarf for a very special someone, so I had better get busy with the knitting needles too.

OK, I'm going home now and you will all be glad to hear that I am having an alcohol free day today. Yes, I'm not proud, but this is a big deal to me. My week has been a social whirl...I've been out five nights in the last week and am now saving up my energies for my "Comedy Tour" :) I guess having t-shirts printed is a little premature, but hey ho.

Gibbons

I went to a gig in Angel last night at The Compass on Chapel Market. The gig was called The Giggling Gibbon. For the record it was my 56th gig… but hey, who’s counting? Oh yeah, that is right, loads of us are.

I had three supporters with me, my ex boss, his date and Becki Sprog. The room above the pub was empty when Becki and I arrived, but by the time show started it was fairly full up and they seemed like a nice crowd.

Just to take a slight tangent for a moment, I have been reading a fair bit of comedy blog chat, not here, but scattered about the place in pal’s blogs and comment streams. There has been a fair amount said on the subject of finding the right approach to comedy and what drives us to keep going and what we amateur comedians really want to achieve.

I don’t generally contribute to this debate. I’m not big on theorising and maybe I even took the mickey out of Norm when he first coined such phrases as “High Energy Stillness”. I may have raised an eyebrow or two when every other week he seems to have a new system and a new comedy 'this is the one' approach. I joke about it and it isn't my way, but I love Norm for it really.

The thing is - we are all going about this in our own ways and whatever way that may be, we all need to give ourselves a pat on the back for doing something a little out of the ordinary. We are doing something the majority of people swear they never could do. Surely that has to stand for something in its own right. I take my hat off to Norm for being up and scratching his head for new material at 6 am. That is incredible dedication. There is only one 6 o’clock in my day and it is when I’m finishing work and heading to the pub.

Believe it or not, it has not escaped my notice, after 33 years, that I am not the most industrious or focussed of souls. At least I have enough self awareness to admit that. I remember pulling all nighters at Uni, trying to get essays finished fuelled only on ProPlus and lucozade sweets, because I hadn’t fancied doing the work sooner. I am the queen of deadline extensions and procrastination techniques. I like nothing more than a little snooze with the kitties and there is always something better to do than washing up or worse still - straining my brain for funny ideas to actually write down and turn into material.

So, I might not have much to add to a conversation on the best way to build a set or how many new jokes to add in at a time. I might not report every gig I do and go into detail about the bits that worked or not. My current set about my relationships with my brother and the set before that, known as seven things, basically grew out of last minute pre-gig panic and were developed more or less through repeated performance and trial and error. And there we have it: we all have to approach the problem from the angle that works best for us and give each other some credit for having stuck with this messed up old world we call open mic comedy for the last year and a half or so…

Anyway, I’m sure I had a valid point to make, but I’ll get nowhere trying to argue that bimbling along gets you to the same places as hard graft does, so lets leave it with the mutual group hug for hanging on in there, whatever the approach and get back to the gig. …

I had a rubbish day at work yesterday, pretty much everything and everyone was getting on my nerves. Before people go up in arms about the public domain and job security, it was just one of those days. Whatever previous posts have said, I’ve been trying to buckle down a bit over the last week, but I just had a horror of a day yesterday. By the end of it when Becki said that her mate had cancelled their plans for the evening, I snapped at the chance of dragging her along to my gig and I snapped at the chance of us having a few beers and a moan before hand.

This was the time when I probably should have been swatting up on my material and getting my head in a good place to perform, but I wasn’t in the mood for that, so Becki and I supped Guinness and had a bitch and a laugh together before the gig began.

I was the last up of four acts that formed the first half of the show and I enjoyed the first three acts, but have to admit at the back of my mind was – “hmmm, a proper read through would have been really good. Am I going to remember my stuff?” there was a daft quiz with audience participation right before my turn, prolonging my agony and by then I was just sat there thinking ‘oh God, I need to pee and I can’t sneak out now'.

When my name was called and I got to the performance area (no stage as such), I did my usual faffing around – where to put the mic stand, where to leave my pint, taking my time about it and the audience seemed to go along with it and see the funny side. It was a good start and things continued well as the audience came along with me and warmed to me throughout my seven minute spot…

At one point, I did completely forget my next line and had to turn to Becki, who has seen the set countless times for a prompt. Thank God she was there, but even that little kerfuffle seemed to keep the audience laughing and I picked it up and carried on to what felt like a really strong finish. I just love when comedy goes like that and you feel that mutual warmth in the room and everyone has clearly had a smashing time.

I don’t generally big myself up, but last night made me so proud of myself, I feel 'ickle tears well up when I think about it. During the interval, the promoter said he really liked the set and hoped I’d come back soon, another lady tapped me on the shoulder just to tell me how much she enjoyed my stuff and, last, but not least, one woman said to me – “thank you for making a shit week, so much better.” How sweet is that? Little does she know, that she in turn has made my week better too.

So...Have I got a two-year strategy in place as to how I’ll get my strongest possible twenty minute set? No.

Does that make me too lazy to ever make a living from comedy? Maybe.

Do I love the buzz when it goes really well, a room full of people get behind you, laughing in all the right places and some, then strangers feel the need to come and thank you after? Yes I do get a buzz from that and that is one of the best reasons I can think of as to why I do comedy and why I hope I’ll be doing comedy for a while longer yet, even if it does involve a bit of effort every now and again or God forbid I never make a fortune from it...

Crabs

Last night after three bottles of wine between two, it seemed as good a time as any to see if I could still do the crab - or as some call it the bridge.

Everyone can do a bridge - yeah so what? My claim to fame being that some time ago, in my more flexible youth - I could get to crab from standing and back up again, fairly effortlessly...

My 'friend' Becki, a trained first aider who you might have hoped would know better, cheered me on as I lent back as far as I could, dropped my arms back and as most of my joints creaked into life, I plonked down into what was, to be fair, a resplendent crab position. Even though, I was sozzled and I was in it, I have to say I bet it was magnificent. Nay, I know it was magnificent!

Once down there though, the prospect of getting straight back up to standing by will power alone was hampered by the fact that the open door that I could see behind me in an upside down way, was swaying somewhat. Everything I could see, had strangely started to do upsidey downy swaying.... Yeah, stuff was definitely swaying, that can't be right!!

I think for that first attempt, I chickened out and I just collapsed onto the floor, before getting up via a more traditional route, using knees and or elbows, but I would not be beaten....

Back down I went, yep everything is still swaying, really swaying a lot, bettter get up quick before this all gets too much... and I mustered all my hip strength and back strength and whatever strength it is that allows you to do that and up I went... woohoo, I'm up, I'm up, sh!t sh!t - I'm still moving forward really fast and now I'm tubbling round the coffee table and hurtling head first toward the fish tank...what the f*ck is happening here?? Aaaaaaaargh - Thankfully my head came safely to rest on the arm of the sofa.... No harm done.

You could see the relief in little Roger's eyes as he peered out of his tank and I think Didger did a little poo of relief.

As we used to say in the West Country... Laugh? We laughed our ruddy 'eads off...

I think I should try that again, says I...

Yeah, says Becki, You've nearly got that...

The third attempt wasn't nearly as much fun. I went down, I came up, I tumbled forward, this time towards the TV, but the tumble was minor really. All in all there was the glimmer of what could be gymnastic potential in that last crab trick and no one needs that as the end to a story.

We also learnt that Sproglet can do the crab too, but she needs to work on her getting up and down technique... It isn't nearly dangerous enough.

When we have a 100 ft garden, we are going to start tumbling classes. Come, they'll be amazing!

Lazy times.

Is what I'm enjoying now, apart from the fact that I'm writing this too. I think i've earned it though...I have had a pretty full on weekend, to be fair.

I worked Friday and Saturday night for The Comedy School Showcase. I'm not a natural born bar person, but I enjoy helping out Debs behind the bar for the showcases... I've done it four or five times now and am slowly getting the hang of it. It is after all, a free night of comedy, it stops me from going out and spending tons of money on booze and most of the time it is pretty good fun. The Comedy School helped me start out my comedy journey and it seems like a cool thing to be able to do, to help them as they help others to start out.

I went flat hunting during the day yesterday. I saw two more flats and had an appointment with a mortgage advisor... It all went fairly well. I have had a mortgage agreed in principle, which I don't think was ever in too much doubt... The important thing is, on a practical level, it does sound within my budget and I'm all systems go now. I really liked one of the flats I saw and am going back for a second look tomorrow with my flatmate to be, Becki Sprogs. My flat's HIPs should be done within the next few days and my flat will then be on the market. My head is already swimming with it all, but in a good way.

Talking of swimming, I went today, but read about that in the other blog later. Then lunch with the parents. We talked about my brother's wedding next year in Sorrento. All sounds lovely, but looks as if that is going to cost me about a grand at least. You have to love my brother! We also talked about the flat I saw yesterday, that was more interesting...

I got back to Walthamstow about 7.30 tonight and so I'm finally chilling out for the first time in what seems like ages. I might do some knitting shortly and plan to get a lovely early night.

Hmmm, must put more jokes in this blog - some other time perhaps.

Hip hip hooray, it is Friday today

Well we've made it through another long week and the weekend looms like a giant sweet peach of free time and happiness.

FYI, those of you that were a little peeved by the previous glum Tuesday based post... I've responded in the comments and I'll be on my bestest behaviour from now on. Well maybe... Better not make promises I can't keep.

Sproggles has been busy with her blog. Some of the things she has been writing about are hilarious. Like locking herself in the loft at work. Classy chick.

I'm helping at the Comedy School tonight and tomorrow night. Showcase-o-rama. See, I'm kind and do helpful stuff. I'm not JUST an ungrateful layabout.

The househunting continues this weekend as well, so I'll keep you posted on that. Oh yeah, I have to do a whole lot of swimming too. I will update the Swimming blog next week, when hopefully, I'll be nearly half way across the channel ...

OK, I'm going to do some work now people. Yes, I said work... Wish me luck!

That Monday Feeling.

Like I know it is Tuesday, but as I was out on my Team Away Day yesterday, today is my first day back in the office and today has a horrible feel of Monday about it...

Christ on a bike, it is boring here.

So was yesterday's away day (yawnorama), but it wasn't in Goswell Road and it ended at 3pm.

Sorry, I should stop moaning.

Stoopid job.

The Big Clean

After my crazy arsed plan to find Becki and I a love nest, a very brief conversation with an estate agent has led to my flat getting valued tomorrow. Apparently it is better to be 'under offer' before hunting around for the dream home. My Dad says he can get my HIPS done for nuffink, so that is nice, they've been squeaking for a while now, but what that has to do with the flat, I've no idea. Anyway, so whatever happens, I need to know what this flat is worth and what I can afford, before I can look about for something new. I guess I'll be meeting with the mortgage people soon too then. So my mad capped plan is very rapidly becoming an actual real life very serious investment and change of life plan with all sorts of commitment and financial implications. Oh heck...

In the meantime. A big clean up was required and QUICK! Pictures were taken...

She won't be happy until that window sill is gleaming...

Not every day I get spotted doing the dishes...

And even 'shiny sinking' the sink

Now this next bit was where things really started to hot up. This stuff truly is a miracle...

Mix 1 part Miracle Foam shampoo with one part water and agitate to get the foam up...

Squeeze out the rollers...

And simply roll away the filth...

HOT...

HOTTER STILL...

Et Voila...

Thank you Sproglet for all your help this evening. We ARE Domestic Goddesses :)

GIG UPDATE

Had a super time at Leicester Square Theatre last night. Shame I didn't get through to the next round of the competition, but I don't think I did too badly (by my standards) and there was some pretty good acts on... Anyway, we all had a riot and that is the main thing.

Then I got an email from Martin Besserman today about the Monkey Business gig I was due to do on Thursday and I've been dropped for Russell Howard and Stephen Merchant. Well I knew Merchant was performing anyway and I had been telling all my buddies that I was on the same bill as him. Now I'm not, because of that stinker Howard. Ho Hum.

Must book more gigs... You'll be the firsts to know when I do...

Norm, thank you for supporting last night. It was nice to have drinkies and drunken chats after.
Becki, thank you for everything. You are a smasher :)

xx

This blog Has Been Really Dull. Not Anymore It Isn't...

Outrageous.

Of late, all this blog seems to consist of is apologies for lack of content or lack of frequency or lack of excitement. I'm not giving up though, like the owner of a stubborn untrained puppy, there may be poop everywhere, but I am plodding on. With hard work and determination (ha ha ha - did I really use those words?) With a bit of work and nowhere near enough determination, I'll make this blog, sit, stand and roll over with shiny coated, waggy tailed finesse...

Of course, I'd be much better with an actual puppy than I am with this here blog. I'd love that puppy. I don't show this blog enough love. Aaaargh my puppy analogy has got out of control and just made me go on about my unfulfilled puppy love and feel a bit sad again.

OK, Fetch...

It isn't like I haven't done blog worthy stuff, because I have.

I went on that boat trip. That was ace, Cruising on the River Wey aboard the Goosander ... That deserves a whole entry all to itself. It is unlikely to get one, as it is almost ten days ago since I returned, but remember these few points:

• Narrow boats are generally smaller than flats or houses and they don't have lovely flush toilets. The bunks are quite narrow and you have to take care not to fall out of them.
• Some locks are stiff, some locks are loose, whatever the lock - always remember to close the slooshes before you leave.
• Mind you don't rip your fingers off by getting them tangled in ropes holding onto boats that are heavy.
• Take whisky and whipped cream to add to your coffee. YUM! Warm and creamy, tasty coffee and booze - all in one!!
• Boat people and people by canals and rivers are generally happier and friendlier than city people. Everyone Smiles. Try it! If you can be arsed, wave too. You might think they are all c*nts by the end of the week, but just keep on smiling and waving and you'll be fine.
• Life on the river, means plenty of swans, geese and ducks to feed. CUTE. Big up to the swans, geese and ducks!
• We were really lucky with the weather, if it rains, this holiday would most likely have been a heap of swancrap: Wet, stinky and no fun at all...
• When you get off the boat and on to dry land after an extended stay, expect to feel discombobulated. Still things on land will seem to sway. You may crave to be back on the water, just so you know if it feels like it is moving - that is because it is!! Fear not, it is just your sea legs and your land legs rearranging themselves and something to do with your lugholes. It should only last a day or so.

A few piccies of note were taken, sorry not to have them ready. I'll sort them out soon. Or not, it don't really matter... I've painted the pictures with my words. Don't you agree?

There - CONTENT! And this puppy ain't done playing yet!!

Since I've been home from my hollibobs, I've been having some lovely nights out with my Becki Sproggles :) We have had mucho Fun! Such were our drunken antics on Friday night, that we stumbled back to mine and who knows what time in the morning, eating burgers, chips and appley pies from WFC. KFC was shut by then :P I'm a good friend. I didn't make her trudge home alone in the wee small hours. No, I let her stay. We woke up still a bit drunk on Saturday and we giggled and we giggled, just at our own silliness really, but it was very therapeutic and good for the soul indeed. Laughter is the most certainly the best medicine.

A tiny gentle breaker of a brainwave, lapping on the shores of my consciousness has become a brain tsunami as I think I might be about to do something about this next big life question: Why live by oneself in a one bedroom flat, when a two bed place (with a lodger), even if it does mean a bigger mortgage could actually be MORE economical? Plus, I'd have company and I'd look for one with a garden, to play out with the kitties and all in all it would be bigger, better and loads more FUN! I'd have to find someone to live with though... Who would make the perfect lodger? Who do ya think? Hee hee. I'm a reckless case when I put my mind to it and the Estate Agent is coming on Wednesday to value the current Ogflat.

I'm gigging too:

Oh yeah, I got past the 50 gig marks and thanks to Keith Palmer and The Comedy School for making number 50 so special. Keith doesn't read this, but if he did, he would see that I am grateful for him offering me a spot on such a lovely night. 100+ students and a really great line up, plus me. I wasn't bad and the night overall was very cool!

Comedy competition tonight at the Leicester Square Theatre and Monkey Business on Thursday. Oh yeah. I'm keeping up with the comedy goings on. Yes siree, I certainly am!

Roll on 100 gigs...

And I booked a three night trip to Rome. That is November. More on that later.

And I haven't been swimming as much as I should, but the Channel challenge rumbles on... See the other blog for that hey?

B*tches

Hey you filthy b*tches.

Whassup??

I will when the time is right, blog my super sunny time aboard the Goosander. Narrowboating is a right old lark.

In the meantime, why not check my progress on the Swimmy blog. Swimming Rules.

x

Breakaway Blog (for swimming not chocolate biscuits)

I've done one of those off shoot blogs. God I'm cool!!

It is called Swimmy Swim. (The link is over there just below my normal blog archive). Hey you should totally follow the offshoot blog as well as the main blog. Ah Go On...

I've put it there to keep a tally on how the swim challenge is going, because it started today. I don't expect it will make fascinating reading, but I'll try my best to keep it light and cheery as well as informative. It is there as a reference point really, so anyone who has sponsored me or anyone with an interest in long drawn out swimming challenges can see how I'm getting along.

The sponsorship link again:

http://www.justgiving.com/Oglets-Big-Swim-09/

Sorry, charity is so boring. I've got to keep plugging the damn thing though...

A blockage in my bloggage.

Hey new readers/commenters/followers - Welcome and Thank You.

This here entry is just meant as a little apology for the lack of new postings. You join up to a new blog, then you get nothing for weeks. That sucks, I do realise that and am very sorry, but don't be blue. It is just that things are a wee bit up in the air with me at the moment and in the interests of sensitivity, the wonder of the blog has had to get sidelined for a short while. I am still here and there bimbling about with Sproglet as normal, so don't panic.

For those with an interest in the comedy - Another of my quiet patches has stretched into a three week unplanned comedy holiday, but I'm getting back in the saddle with three gigs over the next week. Monkey Business tonight, Party Piece next Tuesday and Rye Wit next Wednesday... Watch this space for news of how they go or try and get along to one if you can :) You can hopefully find details via google or just ask me.

For those of you with an interest in my Weight Watching, I watched it go up, but I'm not having that any more, so I am in full point counting mode, been back to the gym and we can all watch together as it goes down again - Soon! I promise.

For those of you with just a general interest in my being an arse. That is still going on, but I can't go into too much detail for fear of the fact that the boss is due out of a meeting in five minutes and I really need to sign off quick sharp.

No more blogs to read? Bored online? Have you sponsored me yet? http://www.justgiving.com/Oglets-Big-Swim-09/
I start next week and I'll be keeping you posted on how that progresses too.

Thanks for you patience. Ogs x

Adventures in Edinburgh

Four nights of sharing a bed with Peter Goddard, is not everybody's idea of a fun filled adventure, but sometimes, in the name of comedy... compromises have to be made. This was one of those times... With my baggiest ugliest PJ's packed, I was Festival bound and ready to see some Comedy.

On the 20th August 2009, our Edinburgh journey began. We drove to The Holly Bush, Cradley Heath, on the outskirts of Birmingham, where Peter did a very sound job of compering a lovely comedy night and I mumbled my way through a ten minute set, with enough laughter for me not to feel too miserable after and advice from Peter to watch the rambling in future. Fair enough...

The night ended about 11 and we got back in the Rover 1100 and found our way to the big road (yes, the motorway) Northbound...

We shared the driving through the night and through the nasty rain and no one needs to know who drove which bit and what delightful service stations we refuelled and did our peepees at. It took ages, we bought comedy c.d's and songs of the seventies to keep us chipper, because apparently the bedwetting indie drone of 'Elbow' is not conducive to night driving. By 6 am, we had reached our Edinburgh pad, actually in nearby Leith.

This location worked out ok, Peter frog marched us up the long hill to the City Centre every morning without fail, so at least we were getting some exercise, even if we hardly saw a piece of fruit or a vegetable all weekend. A half hour trek at Goddard Pace certainly gets one ready for a pint and a comedy show...

Day one - and after only four hours sleep, we were off... Looking for information about what to see and where to see it and ready to immerse ourselves in comedy. We walked into the City and after we'd had a pint and quick stop for a Gregg's pasty by some wheelie bins - Yes, this was full on glamour -we were raring to go!

In four days, This is a list of the shows we saw/other notable things we did...

Friday 21st August
It's got Jokes in it -Hannah George, Catie Wilkins, Lou Sanders and an open spot
Alex Maple's Press Release, felt a bit bad for Alex as it wasn't a very full room and the audience seemed a bit quiet. There was free chocolate though and we enjoyed the show anyway.
A gig at the Dragonfly - Toby Brown and several other comics
We ate a pizza.
Get Happy (can't remember who was on, I was very tired, by the time this began at 11 pm)

Saturday 22nd August
City of the Dead Tour (spooky walk ending in Edinburgh Vaults - my choice - a good tour to be fair, but not enough vault action...)
We then had a bit of a gap, mincing about, finding our feet, (they were at the end of our legs all along) buying tickets for other shows over the weekend and drinking beer.
Evening - Dan Antopolski at the Pleasance Dome (Amazing show - Mucho funnies.)

We went to Brooke's Bar and 'mingled' with the stars. Well, we got outed as 'Audience' and asked by anyone we knew who happened to be there: "How did you get in?" - Oh, what little faith!! A fair question - No, we didn't have credentials or connections - we had just walked in, having arrived early, before the doorman clocked on! Easy Peasy :)

Sunday 23rd August
In full swing now, we knew our way around, we had shows to see planned, we were cooking on gas!
North-South Divide, Charlie Talbot and Dave Gibson at the Beehive (still impressed by the lovely funny, charming Dave Gibson.)
Yummy kebab lunch with Alex and Mads.
Robin Ince's Book Club
The Hotel - Amazing experience, look this one up, it was very funny and truly unique.
Glenn Wool - A good show with uncomfortable seats.
Get Happy - with four open spots including William Lee (joking about eating pets - how does he think of his material) Peter Goddard providing a strong(ish) close to another wise shaky open spot section and Adams and Rea headline.
Scary late show, hosted by our buddy David Hardcastle with a whole gaggle of fairly new comics all telling in-jokes and just larking about to a bored audience of "C-Venues" staff. Left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, this one. Perhaps I was just over tired by that point!?

Monday 24th August
Go Go Go Coffee Show - Caroline Mabey (loved CM's work here - very enjoyable.)
Bussman's Holiday (Jane Bussman) This was gritty, topical warzone comedy - an interesting fixture in our fun packed schedule. Good too.
The Fudge Show, Patch Hyde and Adam Tempest (comedy in a fudge shop - yum yum)
Get Happy, Headline Imran Yusuf, with a very scary t-rex impression.

It seems odd to wittle down four days of comedy fun and mania into a fairly ordinary looking list and I'm no reviewer, so I've kept the comments to a bare minimum. I just know that Peter and I had a terrific long weekend and looking back over this list, we did pretty well on the amount and variety of shows and performers we saw.

Totting things up - it seems like we got to 15 shows in 4 days and saw somewhere in the region of 40 performers. I'm excluding The Hotel's performers from the count (too many people involved) and the really late Sunday show of no name that I'm aware of (I'd just rather forget that). All in all, I think we did pretty damn well on our weekend of comedy learning and laughing.

We drove ourselves home on Tuesday, tired and weary, listening to more sounds of the seventies and feeling smug at the wonderful times experienced over the last few days. From Edinburgh to Walthamstow, via Battersea, we'd clocked up around 10 hours efforts. It is only a shame that I got a crack in my windscreen - which happened with Peter at the wheel - I dozed off for half hour and he breaks the vehicle, bloody men!!* That will almost certainly blow any savings made from not travelling by train, which would have been a four and a half hour journey, spent snoozing and reading and supping Pimms.

Oh well, Peter says we mustn't think of it like that and I am glad we made the road trip. It was all part of the adventure and I wanted driving practice and certainly got that. I'll take the train next year and leave the car at home, but not even a cracked windscreen can chip my memories of a smashing great weekend.

*Your share of the auto-glass bill will be in the post imminently Pete...

In other news. I have to go the gym now. Blinking heck. I've not been in two months. ARSE!

Cup Cake

I just ate a cup cake. It is only 1 hour and 40 minutes to weigh in, but cup cakes don't really weigh that much, so it seemed harmless enough.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm cake.

This is where the cake was from: www.cupcakeemporium.co.uk

Arse, I still haven't read any books. Soz, I know after my amazing toe-dip into film reviews last week, you can barely wait for the first of my book reviews to arrive on this page. Perhaps I should break myself in easily with something like a volume of the Mr Men.

I did watch Slumdog Millionaire on Sunday and really rather liked that. It's old news now, that movie, so I'm not going to practice my reviewing on that...

Oh did I mention? ... Before any of that (the cake and the film) - Barry and I had a lovely trip to the zoo on Sunday and we saw the baby lions playing. They were very very sweet...

Barry even promised to buy me a lion cub (and a puppy) x

Huzzah.

Not really.

The cubz were effing gorgeous though.

Evil Barry, not getting me a mini-lion. Who does he think he is?

Northampton & The Cubblers

See What I did there?

Cobblers? Cubblers?

I am so besotted with the beautiful new cubs at London Zoo. They are simply gorgeous. I am going especially on my non zoo Sunday to see them this weekend and am beside myself with excitement. I've even surprised myself on this one... Jo & Excitement are not two words to be put together lightly.

Went to Northampton last night with Norm. It was a really nice gig. Norm kept calm when we got caught in traffic for 45 minutes before even getting off the North Circular and really put his foot down when we did make it to the M1 to get us there only twenty or so minutes later than planned...

The crowd was friendly. I wasn't on until 5th of 6 comics and that meant I was performing about 11 o'clock when some people had scarpered home, but still I felt like I had some nice moments where I engaged with the remaining crowd (still plenty of people). I didn't just stick religiously to my material either. I think I might have been just shy of 10 minutes, but not too far off that mark. The other comics all seemed to do well and everyone seemed happy.

Norm did good for his 40th gig and after it all, he got us both home safe, even though it was an ungodly time of the night.

A fun time was had by all.

That film I went to see on Wednesday with Sprogs was creepy. Odd and creepy. Enough said!! Antichrist by Lars von Trier. The premise is two people grieving for their dead baby and how the husband tries to help his wife as she struggles to come to terms with that loss. She goes a bit bonkers to say the least.

The film was quite slow to get going though and two people even walked out of the cinema after about 45 minutes, but the tension did build up as it progressed. Although surreal and gruesome, the ending was worth the wait. (Even if when you are at the 11.30 showing and the ending happens at 1.30 am on a school night.)

If you do see it, you'll never be able to look at foxes the same way again. Or crows. Acorns could leave you a bit wobbly too... Rusty old scissors? You'll be avoiding those for sure! Gosh, I should be a film critic. I think I have hidden talents. ha ha ha.

BUT, Don't waste your time at the cinema. Go see the Lion Cubs. cubs cubs cubs cubs. I just love those cubs. I hope Barry is bringing some strong sedatives with him for this trip to the zoo on Sunday or he could have an overwhelmed Oglet on his hands!!

Sorting Things Out A Little Bit

So I still haven't read any books. I did look up an insect I saw on the tube in my big British Wildlife book to find out what it might be called... It was called a Forest Bug. I am going to see a film tomorrow too, so watch this space for what I thinks to that. . .

I have this little rash going on just by my eye and my nose and it has been bothering me a bit, but I kept putting off finding out how to try and fix it. I went to the chemist today. The lady there gave me some EMOLLIENT cream. The jury is out on whether the EMOLLIENT cream will help, but I guess the point is - I did something about it...

In other news: I did a gig last week, which wasn't amazing, but got me back into things comedy again. I'm doing two more gigs this week and another gig and a few days jaunt to Edinburgh next week. I haven't done much to find a new job yet, but I've been a bit busier at work, which takes my mind off how much I hate it all for some of the time anyway.

AND I just signed up to a charity based 12 week channel swim style challenge to try and shift my fitness up a gear over the coming months. You see you swim the 22 miles, over the 12 weeks, in the comfort of your local pool... Barry has offered to cover me in goose fat before each session (for added channel swim experience authenticity) but I think that might eventually just clog up the filter at the Virgin Active pool.

Oooh, why not stop by my fundraising page to donate money to the peeples with spinal injuries? Or not. It is there anyway.

http://www.justgiving.com/Oglets-Big-Swim-09/

OK, I have to go or I'll be late for this shin dig gig at Manny's.

CATS

When stuck in a rut with one's bloggage. Do not fear: Please return to the funny kitty pics that have served so well in hard times before:

This just made me chuckle. Is it wrong to say spaz attack?

This just struck a chord for some reason...

In case that writing is a bit tiny on this "Your Mama Loves U" pic - it Says: "even if the other kids calls u fat, she knows uz jus fluffy.

Pickies courtesy of...
http://icanhascheezburger.com/

I still haven't read any books yet.

To Blog Or Not To Blog.

I'm not blogging anymore. There is no money in it anyway. Or is there? Norm has a new blog and it is covered in adverts. I bet he is raking it in now. Have I been super naiive? Could I retire on the ad hits from my blog alone? With only 6 followers to date, I'd better not bank on that. I've never been one to assume everything has to end in a pay cheque and I'm not sure the blog really benefits from being plastered in ads, but what would I know. . .



But no, I haven't quit blogging just yet, I do keep meaning to blog. Only 3 posts in July? That is shocking. All of those posts at the start of the month - so no posts since July 2nd? Again - it is a shocker, where have I been? What has been going on with me?



Well...



I've been in a mini lull. There are a lot of things I haven't been doing like I should...I only gigged twice in July too. Work has been a bit hard going. I haven't been to the gym. WW plateued at only 2lbs weight loss. Its all gone to the dogs!! Gone to the dogs, but still no puppy :'( Poor Ogs.



I did have a fantastic time in Cornwall. It wasn't sunny every day, but we did have a few lovely hot afternoons/mornings and one whole hotter than hot day on the beach. And little tiny toddler niece loves the beach too, so everyone was pleased with that. Constantine Bay was as beautiful as I'd promised and I think even Mum and Dad were taken aback by it. We ate out all the time. We visited places like the Eden Project and Tintagel Castle. I turned 33. It was a really nice family break.



I only had one tense moment, when by Wednesday, used to suiting myself 24/7, I felt like I had overdosed on 'happy family life'. I felt myself getting tetchy and grumpy for no good reason, but after grasping a few hours to myself on Wednesday morning, I put my smile back on. We all had a lovely last day or so and found our way to Friday morning and goodbye time, with everyone in excellent spirits...



I stayed on for a few more days with Vicky, for lots more eating, drinking and Cornish merriment, then sadly it was time to come back to London.


I've been back at work for nearly 3 weeks now and they have not been the happiest or the proudest 3 weeks of my 'career'. The boss has got wind of the fact I am - at best - coasting, at worst - drowing (in boredom and despair, rather than being overworked...) Oddly enough - he has started to get a bit shirty when things don't always get done as requested. Who knew? These managers can be so unreasonable at times!!



I did have a very nice gig in Eastbourne on the 17th. Thanks to Peter G for inviting me along to that.



Roger's tail seems to be looking pretty good after a few nasty bouts of finrot earlier this year and the cats are in fine fettle, so that is nice.


No point in detailing all that has been going on in July at this late stage: July, as they say, has been and gone. August lies ahead of us with a whiff of wonder, the parfum of promise or is that just more rain in the air? Anyway, it is August now, so it is onward and upward for this here Ogs...



Perhaps I'll try and switch to a more topical blog for August on a trial basis. Hey, I could even attempt to look at the news, read a book (or maybe read an article about a book). Maybe I'll watch a film between now and September. Lets face it, writing about me and the things I haven't been up to, is getting a little tiring... for all concerned.



Well there we have it - I am back up and running and more to follow soon, we hopes xx Sorry if it is a bit of a slow re-start, just as well I'm not reliant on that advertising income just yet...

You turn your back for one minute...

Mornington is getting in on the act. She hasn't been checking her forecasts either. Do you think she has heard about all the lovely seafood on offer in Padstow?

A packing day...

Lucy wants to come to Cornwall. She obviously hasn't been looking at the same weather forecast as me. Heavy showers right through until Monday :(

Cornwall A Go Go ...

Well what a week it has been. There have been ups, there have been downs. Does anyone really care? Do they? I don't!! I am very close to the end of the last day at the job I loathe. Well I say last day - not forever, but I won't be coming back here for a whole 11 days and I am oh so grateful for my time off. :)

As you may have guessed from the heading of this bloggage: I am off to Sunny Cornwall. Will the sun shine? We bloody hope it will! A family holiday in Cornwall is going to be a real shocker without at least a few days of sunshine. I love my family, (ahem, no I do, don't let the comedy set fool you...), but nobody wants to sit around playing endless cards or scrabble while it pees down outside for a whole week! Ogden tempers will become frayed...

I don't leave until Friday, but have tomorrow off to do packing and all that... Cleaning the flat, so my team of cat sitters aren't too appalled. Sproglet is usually fairly forgiving on that front mind you... Thank you Sproggles for cat sitting :) Wuv you, Miss you :) Not sure what the upstairs neighbours (who are on duty for the first two days) make of the place when I leave it in a mess. One tries not to dwell on that thought too much.

Ah, the beach, the sea, the ice creams, the pasties, the cider, the Eden Project, the sand, the sun, the pasties, the cider (yeah pasties and cider twice) I can hardly wait...

I will miss my scientist though (A LOT) and my friends and I am going to be on regular mini-missions to locate the best mobile signal, or any effing mobile signal, so I can keep up to date on London goings on...

It is nearly time to pack up my work things now. wooohooo.

I'll try and take a few choice snaps, so you can get a flavour of how the hollibobs turned out, but wouldn't like to promise a blog entry while I'm there. I'm not sure they have the technology for it... xxx

Michael Jackson

You all know I'm not your typical topical blogger, but blimey, he has only gone and died. 

First person to show me the text at the end of Monkey Business tonight, I thought it must be a joke. (Wow, no, it wasn't...)

People actually talked on the tube home tonight.

Facebook is flooded with love, but mostly jokes and banter. That is what you get for befriending so many comedians I guess.

There are people in pieces on the radio. Should I be in pieces? I've cracked open a bottle of wine, any excuse...

Everyone is talking about all those great hits. I'm remembering ABC. 

Lets get things in perspective though. It is way past my bed time. 

Night night all. xxx

Blog of Love

Been to WW again. In a cruel twist of fate, I was down 2 and Sprogs was up 1.5 ...

We also went to comedy tonight and it has ended in another Dominos related incident. Mmmmm pizza.... And right now, Becki is here on my sofa making sweet love to my pussy-cat, Mornington. It is outrageous. There is snuggling, licking and that is just the cat! 

Where is my love? Huh, either of you?

Don't you worry, you pair of dirty feline flirts, for I have found happiness elsewhere. I think science love is my way forward and I'm as happy as larry!!!

Yes, read it and weep suckers. Oglet is happy!

BLOG, SCHMOG, GROG

I be cream crackered dear reader...

Sorry I haven't been blogging. It is because I've been very busy. Makes a change I s'pose. Being busy can take it out of a young Oglet though. It can really take it out of a not so young - thirty something Oglet.

Today is my seventh night out on the trot. Here is the 7:

1. Friday - date. *ahem* yes, I had a date and it was very nice and I'm not talking about it here, so theres...

2. Saturday - Drinking with my Sproggles :) Hoorah. Very nice day indeed. Sun & Booze and Becki. Lush!

3. Sunday - Zoo in the daytime followed by writing appointment, Sunday evening. Sorry to my writing buddy as I wasn't much cop this week...

4. Monday - work (well a visit to the office), followed by Wine and Houmous with my pal Anne.

5. Tuesday - office followed by Party Piece at the Pangea Project with Sprogs (and lots of beer and Dominos at hometime.)

6. Wednesday - office then Lewis Schaffer show with Peter (and lots of beer)

7. Today - office now and gig in Wimbledon Park later (and less beer than normal, coz I can't take the pace...

It may not be a huge surprise that I've fallen off the gym wagon a bit this week. I did 30 minutes cardio there yesterday and was going to swim today, but may have talked myself out of it before the day is through. Well it all gets a bit much really doesn't it!

The Manager is away on a training course for two days and back tomorrow. Maybe if I concentrate hard, I can make it look like I've done two days work in the next two hours.

Whatdayathink? Ooh, someone just mentioned tea. That always happens to me...

Welcome Home Sprogs (and a few other asides....)

In other matters. Sproglet is due home today from her adventures Al Italia...

Welcome home my lovely :)

Oh yeah, comedy - no I've been lazy again and not gigged in over a week. Bad lazy Jo. No getting rich and famous for you!! I have a gig next week. Yes, one gig...Wow. Rock on. Top Comedy Commitments.

Today, partly because I left the flat quite late and partly thanks to that lot of numpties, the RMT being on strike, I rolled into work at around 11. Then I took nearly two hours for lunch, so I'm kind of making up time now. Not actually with work stuff, but I am here in the office and ready to jump to attention, should any Performance Monitoring emergencies arise. It must be re-assuring to the general public to know.

Excellent - I'm all blogged out too. I think I might have a cuppa.

Gymmage Update

So, I went to see Fitness First on Monday and it was really grim in there. I hope that isn't libelous or anything, but it was really dingy and cramped. My gym Buddy Niamh agreed with me as well, she said it made her feel claustrophobic!

Not to mention they tried to tell us it was 51 quid a month, when I don't know anyone that pays more than 40 quid for FF membership. So, there we have it - it wasn't just me being silly after all. (Apologies to any FF users for being nasty, perhaps it is just the City Road one that is so wholly unpleasant.)

Re the comments from before. Virgin is spitting distance from work. It is 2 minutes away. FF is 4 minutes away, so I'm definitely at the right one! Hoorah... I do go at luncthimes occassionally, but even though it is close and even though I only work-out for around 40-50 minutes, I can't get there, get changed and work-out and get showered and changed again and back to work in less than 1 hour, 30 mins. Often if I faff around, and I'm infamous for my faffing, it takes me two hours. My manager might tolerate that, but when you consider the time I roll up to this joint, (yes, blogging on the Council's time again.) well, it could appear that I'm never here. *gasps-shock horror* So it is better really for me to go after work and sometimes by the end of the day I really don't feel like it.

So the thing is... I said I was pondering option 1, (to stick with Virgin and go to the gym more regularly) and seeing the FF grimpit really made me realise what side my bread was buttered - or should I say reduced fat spreaded? Well, whatever your spread of choice, I know which side mine is on...Get this....

I have been to the gym Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday...Tuesday: I went for a swim out of celebration at the wonders that are the lovely Virgin Active facilities. I am feeling much better about it already.

I don't know tons of people who use the gym, but I had a few lonely boring visits lately, where I went without Niamh and didn't see any of the staff I know and like to say Hi to. Maybe that took the fun out of it for me.

This week, Niamh and I have been across to the gym twice together and I've seen Nicole (the ex-PT) twice and all three days I've seen Roman (the ex-sometimes-stand-in-for-Nicole-PT). That man is so ridiculously hot. Well, I think so anyway. Either way, it seems to make it a lot more jolly if there are friendly faces and I get that extra bit of encouragement.

I had my WW weigh-in last night. The outcome - I had stayed the same weight as the week before. This is a good result really - as my overall approach to WW has been to eat salad slightly more often , but otherwise carry on with my normal unhealthy ways, while hoping for the best. I got myself a points calculator. It makes tracking points a piece of piss. So, maybe that will help me stick to the plan a bit more. Watch this space.

After WW, I went to the pub and got bladdered on five or six pints of premium lager. Points? what points? While at the pub, I got told of a fabulous way to lose weight called "Pig to Twig." Apparently, I absolutely must read this book!!! It is simple and easy and the weight just falls off. I am beside myself with excitement. I wonder if I can Pig to Twig while WWing. It could all get too much if I'm not careful.

The same friends (Sue and Lucy*) who told me about the book, also said I didn't really need to lose weight (women always say that to other women.) Women, hear this - I am above my healthy weight range, as was told to me what I must weigh by the government and I won't rest until I get back in range. Or something like that.

They, Sue and Lucy, proceeded to tell me I was an incredibly attractive woman and intelligent too. I will be seeing a lot more of these friends from now on. I don't know where they had got the impression that my self esteem needed that kind of boost. Moi - doubt myself? Pah, the very thought!! Of course, they were very drunk, but still - what lovely things to say.

*Sue and Lucy are real people. It is purely co-incidence that one is named after my cat. When I start taking diet advice and compliments from the kitties, please lock me up and throw away the key.